Tuesday 1/17

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Panty-hose raid? -  A Cleveland-area man went on one of those the other day, demand­ing that a teenager hand over the pair she was wear­ing — so that he could use them for an on-the-fly car fix. The man, who is still at large, approached the 16-year-old in a shop­ping mall park­ing lot and told her he needed her hose to patch his hose — the one attached to the exhaust sys­tem in his car. She com­plied and passed them over, at which point he legged it out of the park­ing structure.

Armed with arms -  A prison inmate in Iowa gave pros­e­cu­tors a hand with keep­ing him behind bars by claim­ing he was so dis­abled that he couldn’t use his arms — then doing dozens of push-ups in his prison cell. Anquin St. Junius, who was jailed on sus­pi­cion of assault­ing a bar­tender, wanted a sym­pa­thy release on grounds that he can’t move his arms or walk for more than 15 sec­onds at a time. Unfor­tu­nately for St. Junius, there was a sur­veil­lance cam­era right out­side his hold­ing cell, which cap­tured his work­out in all its sweaty glory.  Instead of free­dom, he wound up hav­ing his bail dou­bled, and remains in the clink.

Take that!  No!  This!  - A British crook who thought his heist was in the bag found out oth­er­wise when he approached a bank teller with a gun in one hand and a get­away bag in the other — only to point the bag at the vic­tim, and hand him the gun instead!  The cashier pressed an alarm but­ton and made a grab for the gun, but the wanna-be thief man­aged to escape — with­out a penny of the bank’s pro­ceeds. He did steal an employee’s bicy­cle to flee the scene, how­ever. A police spokesper­son noted, “This man is not the sharpest tool in the box.”

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