A newspaper would have worked just fine....

Kansas woman Ginny Grif­fith is fac­ing arson charges after she allegedly set a small fire in her home early on Fri­day morn­ing while OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAtry­ing to kill a spi­der. Five Hutchin­son Fire Depart­ment units were able to extin­guish the fire in Griffith’s half of a duplex. Fire­fight­ers found mul­ti­ple points of ori­gin for the fire and Grif­fith was arrested and charged with aggra­vated arson because the other half of the duplex was occu­pied. No one was injured and the struc­ture only suf­fered light smoke damage.

Wit­nesses say Ohio man 82-year-old Edward Paolucci was fly­ing his kite being one with mother nature — while butt naked. Wit­nesses also say he was reliv­ing him­self.  Paolucci said there were no bath­rooms around so he let loose.  Prob­lem is…he was right next to a youth horse­back rid­ing camp!  Police tick­eted the man and ordered him not to come back to the park. But he did, the very next day. He says he wanted to talk to his accuser but police came and cited him again for trespassing.

Cops got reports that Calquan Burr was try­ing to break into homes in one Muskegon Michi­gan neigh­bor­hood and went to inves­ti­gate, at which point the man charged their cruiser and began strik­ing it with the four-foot pipe! The deputies man­aged to sub­due Burr, who told them he was from the Planet Zoltron, and had been sent by his father. He also informed them that he could’ve “tack­led that car and crushed it if he wanted to.” They sur­mised that Burr was on some sort of mind-altering sub­stance and booked him on charges of mali­cious destruc­tion of prop­erty, dam­ag­ing police prop­erty and assault.

Unknown source