A newspaper would have worked just fine....

Kansas woman Ginny Griffith is facing arson charges after she allegedly set a small fire in her home early on Friday morning while OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAtrying to kill a spider. Five Hutchinson Fire Department units were able to extinguish the fire in Griffith’s half of a duplex. Firefighters found multiple points of origin for the fire and Griffith was arrested and charged with aggravated arson because the other half of the duplex was occupied. No one was injured and the structure only suffered light smoke damage.

Witnesses say Ohio man 82-year-old Edward Paolucci was flying his kite being one with mother nature – while butt naked. Witnesses also say he was reliving himself.  Paolucci said there were no bathrooms around so he let loose.  Problem is…he was right next to a youth horseback riding camp!  Police ticketed the man and ordered him not to come back to the park. But he did, the very next day. He says he wanted to talk to his accuser but police came and cited him again for trespassing.

Cops got reports that Calquan Burr was trying to break into homes in one Muskegon Michigan neighborhood and went to investigate, at which point the man charged their cruiser and began striking it with the four-foot pipe! The deputies managed to subdue Burr, who told them he was from the Planet Zoltron, and had been sent by his father. He also informed them that he could’ve “tackled that car and crushed it if he wanted to.” They surmised that Burr was on some sort of mind-altering substance and booked him on charges of malicious destruction of property, damaging police property and assault.

Unknown source