My holy pants have a crack in them

A Florida man went bananas in a convenience store earlier this week, stripping off every stitch of his clothing and eventually telling cops that he was a monkey.  Daylen Holloman was initially the one who called 911 and near the end of the call, the dispatcher asked Holloman what his name was and he said, “It’s Monkey.”  When cops were sent to check out what was happening, Holloman repeated his claim to that name, at which point a deputy joked that monkeys don’t wear clothes – a comment that got the 20-year-old to get naked in mid-store, earning an indecent exposure charges.

Jeffrey Wagner, who was described as “unsteady on his feet,” walked into a Burlington Coat Factory store, got down on his hands and knees and began sucking the lint out of the carpet covering the shoe section. He admitted that he’d been using crystal meth over the course of the day, and that doing so made him want to eat “sparkles” – which he apparently found on the store floor. Police arrived at the scene, and found Wagner carrying Lortabs, a bag of crystal meth, a bag of mysterious white powder and a bag of unidentified pills. He was charged with possession of a controlled substance and public intoxication.

pantsA Florida man who was found to have a pocketful of drugs told cops that he couldn’t have committed the crime of drug possession – because he’d just stole the pants he was wearing, and hadn’t even checked the pockets. Johnny McCoy was initially detained for riding a bicycle without the necessary lights, and when cops asked if he had anything illegal on his person, he said no – but when an officer checked his pants’ pockets, he found a handful of crack rocks. McCoy insisted he had no idea about the history of the traveling pants, since he’d just stolen them from a church. He’s being held on drug charges.

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