Beaver slide

Michigan police are still searching for a “mystery pooper” who has been using children’s slides at a beaver slidepopular park as their bathroom for about half a year.  Police have installed a hidden camera because it happens so frequently!   The head of the Friends of Prospect Park, council Member Pete Murdock, called the purposeful pooping “weird and deliberate.”   I wonder if that would make you go faster on the slide?  Weeeeeee

A Georgia crook threw his hat in the ring for this year’s Best Dressed Burglar contest (or at the very least, the least dressed) by robbing a series of homes while wearing nothing but a cowboy hat! Surveillance cameras spotted a stark naked Ashton Gibbs jiggling door handles to work his way into unlocked homes in the town of John’s Creek. He swiped a variety of items, and even paused to down a beer and a snack while watching some baseball at one of the houses.  Gross!  That means he was sitting on their furniture nude!  Gibbs was caught in the flesh by one homeowner when he just walked into their kitchen.  He was taken into custody a short time later.

The folks of South Bend, Indiana are scratching their heads after reports of a bizarre break-in of a downtown massage therapy business. It would seem that a 19-year-old Brian McCurren a Notre Dame student made a hole in the side of the business, squeezed inside, broke lamps, mirrors, furniture, and day spa equipment. He then sprayed a fire extinguisher as he went from room to room until he finally wound up in the kitchen where he proceeded to heat up some Hot Pockets and macaroni and cheese before passing out holding a Drumstick Ice cream cone!  By the time police arrived at 10 AM Sunday morning, McCurren was still drunk. WNDU reports he blew a .106 in a standard breath test.

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