"Cannibal Cop" now makes pizza (no meat, please)

A former New York police officer, who became known as “Cannibal Cop” after he conspired to kidnap, cannibal coptorture and eat women, has landed an ironic job behind bars. 30-year-old Gilberto Valle was convicted a year ago and is in a Manhattan correctional facility awaiting his sentence. But while he waits, he’s landed a job earning 44 cents an hour as a cook. That’s right – the guy convicted of wanting to kill and eat women is now cooking for his fellow inmates. Valle’s mother tells New York’s Daily News that he cooks breakfast and lunch for his fellow inmates, and his specialty is pizza. She says even the guards like his pizza … they’re just careful not to order any meat toppings.

A British cop can expect to receive a lifetime of ribbing after his epic arrest fail. The officer arrived at a suspect’s home and arrested him for assault. He placed the suspect in handcuffs and sat him in the back of his car. But then, while loading key evidence into the car’s trunk, he accidentally locked his keys in there as well. So with no other way to transport him to the police station, the officer had no choice but to knock on the suspect’s front door and ask his mother to drive them back to the station. The officer handcuffed himself to the suspect and sat in the back of mom’s two-door car. The cop instantly became the laughing stock of the police station.

An Idaho man John Novack had been suffering from breathing problems that caused him to snore and lose sleep, but he couldn’t afford a doctor. Instead, he decided to act as his own medical team, downing two entire bottles of vodka for anesthesia before attempting a procedure he made up himself. A police spokesman said, “He described that he stuck two straws up his nose and was attempting to break his own nose using a door that he would open rapidly and impact his face.” When Novack’s sister tried to stop him, he threatened her with a gun, leading her to call cops. When they arrived, they found Novack on a bed, too drunk to get up. He said he was going to urinate on the police, but defecated on himself instead.

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