"Cannibal Cop" now makes pizza (no meat, please)

A for­mer New York police offi­cer, who became known as “Can­ni­bal Cop” after he con­spired to kid­nap, cannibal coptor­ture and eat women, has landed an ironic job behind bars. 30-year-old Gilberto Valle was con­victed a year ago and is in a Man­hat­tan cor­rec­tional facil­ity await­ing his sen­tence. But while he waits, he’s landed a job earn­ing 44 cents an hour as a cook. That’s right – the guy con­victed of want­ing to kill and eat women is now cook­ing for his fel­low inmates. Valle’s mother tells New York’s Daily News that he cooks break­fast and lunch for his fel­low inmates, and his spe­cialty is pizza. She says even the guards like his pizza … they’re just care­ful not to order any meat toppings.

A British cop can expect to receive a life­time of rib­bing after his epic arrest fail. The offi­cer arrived at a suspect’s home and arrested him for assault. He placed the sus­pect in hand­cuffs and sat him in the back of his car. But then, while load­ing key evi­dence into the car’s trunk, he acci­den­tally locked his keys in there as well. So with no other way to trans­port him to the police sta­tion, the offi­cer had no choice but to knock on the suspect’s front door and ask his mother to drive them back to the sta­tion. The offi­cer hand­cuffed him­self to the sus­pect and sat in the back of mom’s two-door car. The cop instantly became the laugh­ing stock of the police station.

An Idaho man John Novack had been suf­fer­ing from breath­ing prob­lems that caused him to snore and lose sleep, but he couldn’t afford a doc­tor. Instead, he decided to act as his own med­ical team, down­ing two entire bot­tles of vodka for anes­the­sia before attempt­ing a pro­ce­dure he made up him­self. A police spokesman said, “He described that he stuck two straws up his nose and was attempt­ing to break his own nose using a door that he would open rapidly and impact his face.” When Novack’s sis­ter tried to stop him, he threat­ened her with a gun, lead­ing her to call cops. When they arrived, they found Novack on a bed, too drunk to get up. He said he was going to uri­nate on the police, but defe­cated on him­self instead.

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