Careful, he'll gum you to death

Washington state man Kenneth Chambers, who lost all of his teeth somewhere along the line, squabbled no teethwith the woman who shared his double-wide after she refused to clean his ears. he began shouting, then pulled the trailer’s screen door off its hinges before lunging at her and sinking his gums into her arm! The alarmed woman called 911 to report the incident, and Chambers told officers that he was only trying to defend himself. He admitted to biting the victim, but said he couldn’t have hurt her because he doesn’t have any teeth.

A Seattle man burned down his house earlier this week when he decided that the best way to kill a spider was to set it on fire. Fire officials say the man saw a spider in his laundry room, so he did what any reasonable person would do – he grabbed a lighter and a can of spray paint and proceeded to set his wall on fire. The blaze quickly spread to the rest of the house. The house, which is a rental, will require about $40,000 in repairs.

A New Jersey man is probably wishing he’d shelled out for that Triple-A membership when cops cuffed him for asking for help after getting locked out of a car. Quamier Claiborne’s problems started when he flagged down a bystander to ask for a coat hanger in order to get into a car that he’d borrowed from a relative. The unidentified man, who wasn’t carrying his dry cleaning at the time, said he didn’t have one – then walked over to a nearby police car to share his suspicion that something was up. Cops approached Claiborne, who stuck to his story about the car being borrowed from his aunt, but when they ran the plates, they found that it had been stolen from a nearby town. Deputies arrested him on suspicion of auto theft.

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