Careful, he'll gum you to death

Wash­ing­ton state man Ken­neth Cham­bers, who lost all of his teeth some­where along the line, squab­bled no teethwith the woman who shared his double-wide after she refused to clean his ears. he began shout­ing, then pulled the trailer’s screen door off its hinges before lung­ing at her and sink­ing his gums into her arm! The alarmed woman called 911 to report the inci­dent, and Cham­bers told offi­cers that he was only try­ing to defend him­self. He admit­ted to bit­ing the vic­tim, but said he couldn’t have hurt her because he doesn’t have any teeth.

A Seat­tle man burned down his house ear­lier this week when he decided that the best way to kill a spi­der was to set it on fire. Fire offi­cials say the man saw a spi­der in his laun­dry room, so he did what any rea­son­able per­son would do – he grabbed a lighter and a can of spray paint and pro­ceeded to set his wall on fire. The blaze quickly spread to the rest of the house. The house, which is a rental, will require about $40,000 in repairs.

A New Jer­sey man is prob­a­bly wish­ing he’d shelled out for that Triple-A mem­ber­ship when cops cuffed him for ask­ing for help after get­ting locked out of a car. Quamier Claiborne’s prob­lems started when he flagged down a bystander to ask for a coat hanger in order to get into a car that he’d bor­rowed from a rel­a­tive. The uniden­ti­fied man, who wasn’t car­ry­ing his dry clean­ing at the time, said he didn’t have one – then walked over to a nearby police car to share his sus­pi­cion that some­thing was up. Cops approached Clai­borne, who stuck to his story about the car being bor­rowed from his aunt, but when they ran the plates, they found that it had been stolen from a nearby town. Deputies arrested him on sus­pi­cion of auto theft.

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