Chuck Norris is a Bishop

When Kent Hendrix woke up yesterday to his teenage son telling him someone was being attacked in front of their house, he did what any self-respecting Mormon bishop/martial arts instructor/fourth-degree black belt holder/weapons collector
would do: He grabbed his Samurai sword, ran outside, drew the sword on the attacker, and then ran after the man—barefoot. Suspect Grant Eggersten got away, but Hendrix picked up a ChapStick he dropped and memorized his license plate. “I yelled at him, ‘I’ve got your DNA and I’ve got your license plate: You are so done,'” Hendrix recalls. Eggersten turned himself in about an hour later, the AP reports.  There has to be a Chuck Norris joke in here somewhere…

A thief in Britain decided to switch gears after swiping a bicycle – by returning the two-wheeler, along with a sweet apology – which included a coupon for a free dessert at Domino’s! In a note left with the bike, which was brought back undamaged, the perpetrator said she was “straight white girl wasted” when she pedaled off without permission – blaming the fact that buses had stopped and she didn’t have enough cash for a cab. She even went on to compliment the bike as “a lusciously smooth ride” and left behind a coupon for a free piece of chocolate lava cake as payment for the unauthorized rental. The coupon was expired, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

man under bedRomanian man Marius Ionescu was ransacking a home he’d broken into when he heard a loud noise and panicked, hiding under a bed and calling police to report the intruder. When the officers arrived at the address, they conducted a search and found just one person on the premises – Marius, still cowering in the bedroom. A spokesperson for the police department said, “The noise he heard was probably just the family cat. He already has a criminal record for similar break-ins, and given his nervous disposition, he probably should look for another job.”

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