Crash Test Gnome

gnaomeRobert Willmarth, a former policeman was collared after a man hired to house-sit for a vacationing family reported a broken window and turned some surveillance tapes over to cops. When they questioned Willmarth, he confessed after being shown the tape – saying he was ticked off at the couple because they “busted his chops” the day before. What was the 71-year-olds crime?  He tossed a yard gnome through his neighbor’s window.  He’s also a suspect in a series of small arson fires set near his home in recent months.

A Florida man got clipped for DUI by cops over the holiday weekend when motorists turned him in for driving erratically on a riding lawn mower. Marion Burden was spotted weaving along a street in Gainesville by officers who pulled him over and informed him that his choice of vehicle was actually illegal in the state. During questioning, a deputy noticed “a strong odor of alcohol” emanating from the 53-year-old and decided to do a breathalyzer test, which registered more than three times the legal limit. When asked if he has been drinking, Burden replied, “Of course,” and said he’d downed a “four-pack of Tall Pauls.”

Cops in Buffalo charged a local man with driving under the influence after they pulled him over and found that he wasn’t wearing a seat belt – or anything else, for that matter! The officers initially made their way to the scene after getting numerous calls about a drunken naked man wandering around and knocking on the doors of random houses during rush hour. Terry Wayne Smith got into a fight with his wife over his drinking and decided to bolt, despite the fact that he wasn’t dressed for a road trip. Smith could not walk without stumbling and deputies who pulled over his Mustang had a hard time understanding what he was saying. They gave him a coverall and transported him to jail, where he was charged with disorderly conduct, public nudity and driving without a seat belt.

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