Darth, you are my leader


A fresh face on the polit­i­cal scene in Ukraine is hop­ing the coun­try will be open to embrac­ing the power darth for presidentof the dark side. Darth Vader has announced he is run­ning for the pres­i­dency of Ukraine as a can­di­date for the Ukrain­ian Inter­net Party. “I alone can make an empire out of a repub­lic, to restore for­mer glory, to return lost ter­ri­to­ries and pride for this coun­try,” Vader said in a state­ment released by the UIP. The party, founded by Dmitry Gol­ubov, is look­ing to elim­i­nate the use of paper and cre­ate a “gov­ern­ment by Inter­net.” The party was offi­cially reg­is­tered in 2010 & Vader won three per­cent of the votes in 2012 par­lia­men­tary elections.

When a Michi­gan man went to use the loo at the Pitts­field Town­ship Depart­ment of Pub­lic Safety build­ing on a Sun­day, a fire­fighter noticed that he looked a lit­tle intox­i­cated. After deter­min­ing the man had dri­ven to the build­ing, police offi­cers were called in to per­form sobri­ety tests and unsur­pris­ingly he failed. The Livo­nia man was taken to jail to sober up and the Washt­e­naw County Prosecutor’s Office will likely charge him with oper­at­ing while intox­i­cated.  That’s what he gets for open­ing the flood gates!

Don’t steal a man’s under­ware or you might get the ax!! Accord­ing to doc­u­ments filed in Pierce County Supe­rior Court, the alleged vic­tim was out­side his home when Daniel Urton asked if he had his cars
keys. The neigh­bor told Urton he didn’t know what he was talk­ing about and the man began walk­ing towards him with an ax. “I am going to cut your “berries” off,” Urton said. “I’m going to kill you.”  When Pierce County Sheriff’s Office deputies arrived after the vic­tim called 911, they found Urton in the
street with his sis­ter. After Urton was arrested, he report­edly told police that the “vic­tim had his car keys, was steal­ing his under­wear and was hid­ing secret cam­eras inside his home.” He was asked why
he was approach­ing his neigh­bor with the ax. Urton responded, “I was going to cut his “berries” off.”  Urton was charged with harass­ment.  His sis­ter told police he “was not a mean per­son if he took his
lithium.”

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