t9pahohA Penn­syl­va­nia man who lit­tered the police blot­ter with crimes will be caged for sev­eral years — despite the fact that he says he was just doing the bid­ding of a talk­ing cat. James Anthony Shroyer stole a car that he used to rob a bank before ram­ming a police cruiser — offenses he insists he was pres­sured into by the felo­nious feline, who fol­lowed him around telling him to break the law. The judge who sen­tenced him to five years behind bars also ordered him to undergo a men­tal health eval­u­a­tion — which seems like a purr-fectly sane idea.

A hand­ful of Con­necti­cut res­i­dents did not get a very good recep­tion from their local police – after they flooded 911 with com­plaints that their cable had gone out. The cranky couch pota­toes were enraged when their view­ing sched­ules were inter­rupted on Sun­day night, so they decided to turn to emer­gency dis­patch­ers to set­tle the prob­lem – which didn’t sit well with cops in the ritzy town of Fair­field. Rather than go door to door hand­ing out sum­monses to the vio­la­tors, the depart­ment opted to use its Face­book page to issue a warn­ing that call­ing 911 for triv­ial mat­ters is a crime. The show they were miss­ing out on? Break­ing Bad.

A Seattle-area man is await­ing a hear­ing on charges from a brawl in which he bit off, and may have swal­lowed, the ear of a stranger. The inci­dent started when Artemio Prado attempted to relieve him­self in the front yard of the vic­tim, who informed him that his lawn didn’t need water­ing. Prado then attempted to take a nap on the prop­erty, at which point the inci­dent turned phys­i­cal, cul­mi­nat­ing in the 6-foot-6 intruder pick­ing up the home­owner and bit­ing off his ear. Cops arrived on the scene to find Prado run­ning away with blood drip­ping down his chin. A police report says, “He stated that he would like to apol­o­gize to the vic­tim, because he him­self wouldn’t want some drunk guy bit­ing off his ear. He doesn’t remem­ber whether he ingested the ear, but said that it would be ‘gross’ if an ear was in his stomach.”

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