Flying Spaghetti Monsters and Bleeding Urethral Meatus!

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Members of the satirical Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster were detained in Moscow for holding an unsanctioned “pasta procession” in the city. The Church, which refers to its adherents as “Pastafarians,” said the “pasta procession” in Moscow was held Saturday to celebrate the birthday of actor Robert De Niro, who played a character nicknamed “Noodles” in Sergio Leone’s 1984 film “Once Upon A Time In America,” but the event was broken up by riot police and Orthodox activist Dmitri Enteo’s “God’s Will” group. “Guys, because of the dispersion by riot police and provocations by Enteo and Co the Ramen [noodles] eating arrangement is canceled,” the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster said on its website. Moscow police confirmed eight of the Pastafarians were detained for “attempting to hold an unsanctioned rally.”

Authorities say a man driving a truck with police lights on top made a crucial misstep during a bogus police stop in northern New Mexico. Police say the two men he pulled over for speeding were real state police agents in an unmarked vehicle. According to New Mexico State Police, 26-year-old John Shelton, of Logan, was arrested Wednesday following the sham traffic stop in San Miguel County. Investigators say Shelton had a pistol on his hip and told the agents he was a member of the New Mexico State Police Search and Rescue and a trained law enforcement officer — something officials later discovered wasn’t true. Shelton is facing charges of impersonating an officer. It was not clear if Shelton had an attorney.

Men of the world, here’s a piece of advice: There are many ways to bring yourself some happiness, but sticking a fork into it isn’t one of them. Just ask the 70-year-old Australian man who was rushed to the hospital after he attempted that very feat. According to a report published in the International Journal of Surgery Cases earlier this month, the Canberra man was admitted to the hospital with “bleeding urethral meatus” after he stuffed a 4-inch fork into his urethra in an attempt to achieve some gratification. Fortunately, the report says the fork was successfully removed using forceps and “copious lubrication.” According to a 2010 study on the subject, the “urological consequences of this type of behavior can be significant and the implications for patients can be serious including death from sepsis.”

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