Freak News for Friday 10/14

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Heav­enly Heineken - A man appar­ently believes the rivers are made of Heineken beyond the pearly gates. A 46-year-old came upon a refrig­er­ated beer trailer con­tain­ingkegs inside and taps on the out­side on at a ban­quet hall inBuf­falo Grove,Illinois.  And no one else was in sight. The hall’s staff found the very, very drunk man and called police, who decided he was so drunk an ambu­lance needed to be called. As he was being carted off he explained to police he didn’t think he was com­mit­ting a crime … he just thought he had died and was in heaven. Some­one was look­ing out for him because he didn’t get charged.

Math teacher mar­tyr - A high school math teacher in south­ern­France taught her morn­ing class as usual, but then at the morn­ing break walked into the cen­ter of the school­yard, doused her­self with gas, and set her­self on fire.  “Sev­eral peo­ple tried to put her out,” says one stu­dent wit­ness. “She said, ‘No, I don’t need help. God told me to do this.’ God, told you to stand in the mid­dle of the school yard and scar these kids for life?  It’s bad enough you’re a math teacher!!  She’s in the hos­pi­tal recovering.  

Heads or tails? - In Iowa, cops were called in to con­trol a woman who went berserk when her boyfriend refused to have sex with her. Iowa City Police arrested 28-year-old Melissa Bar­bara Minar­sich after she swung at the boyfriend, land­ing a cou­ple of blows but not injur­ing him. Melissa then ran out­side and ripped a storm down­pipe off the house.  She allegedly told police, “All I want is a piece of (tail). Is that too much to ask?” Not sur­pris­ingly, police said she smelled strongly of alco­hol and had slurred speech.

Unknown source