Heavenly Heineken – A man apparently believes the rivers are made of Heineken beyond the pearly gates. A 46-year-old came upon a refrigerated beer trailer containingkegs inside and taps on the outside on at a banquet hall inBuffalo Grove,Illinois. And no one else was in sight. The hall’s staff found the very, very drunk man and called police, who decided he was so drunk an ambulance needed to be called. As he was being carted off he explained to police he didn’t think he was committing a crime … he just thought he had died and was in heaven. Someone was looking out for him because he didn’t get charged.
Math teacher martyr – A high school math teacher in southernFrance taught her morning class as usual, but then at the morning break walked into the center of the schoolyard, doused herself with gas, and set herself on fire. “Several people tried to put her out,” says one student witness. “She said, ‘No, I don’t need help. God told me to do this.’ God, told you to stand in the middle of the school yard and scar these kids for life? It’s bad enough you’re a math teacher!! She’s in the hospital recovering.
Heads or tails? – In Iowa, cops were called in to control a woman who went berserk when her boyfriend refused to have sex with her. Iowa City Police arrested 28-year-old Melissa Barbara Minarsich after she swung at the boyfriend, landing a couple of blows but not injuring him. Melissa then ran outside and ripped a storm downpipe off the house. She allegedly told police, “All I want is a piece of (tail). Is that too much to ask?” Not surprisingly, police said she smelled strongly of alcohol and had slurred speech.