Freak News for Friday 9/2

The dude does not abide – Ira Bershatsky allegedly stole a boat from aKey Largoman and the trailer struck a gas pump at the Circle K store at Mile Marker 99 on U.S. 1. Police said they spotted Bershatsky driving north in the southbound lanes of U.S. 1 with smoke coming from the trailer. Officers said they were calling the phone number on a for-sale sign posted on the boat when Jorge Ibanez Avila ofKey Largopulled up next to Bershatsky’s vehicle and identified the boat as his own.  Officers said Bershatsky claimed to be actor Sam Elliot on his way to meet “De Niro” for a movie shoot. Bershatsky was arrested and charged with grand theft and multiple traffic violations.

DWS(tupid) – A judge decided to throw the book at a man arrested for driving while intoxicated — because he was busted on the way home from a hearing on his previous drunk-driving charge.  William Parminter was unfortunate enough to get flagged down by the same cop on both occasions. The officer said Parminter smelled of alcohol, and had a half-full can of Keystone Light tucked into his Jeep’s center console. Parminter’s attorney asked for leniency, given his past mental issues, but the judge disagreed and sentenced him to prison — and suspended his license for 15 years.

TAT’S ALL, FOLKS! – cops traced footprints of an El Paso man to his mom’s home, where they noticed his tattoos were a perfect match for the spray painting on the cars he set ablaze. Edwardo Ramirez offered some other hints to cops — such as having his hands and lower arms covered in the same silver spray paint he used in the spree and having a yard filled with items reported stolen from the torched vehicles. He faces two counts of arson.

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