Freak News for Friday 9/2

The dude does not abide - Ira Ber­shatsky allegedly stole a boat from aKey Largo­man and the trailer struck a gas pump at the Cir­cle K store at Mile Marker 99 on U.S. 1. Police said they spot­ted Ber­shatsky dri­ving north in the south­bound lanes of U.S. 1 with smoke com­ing from the trailer. Offi­cers said they were call­ing the phone num­ber on a for-sale sign posted on the boat when Jorge Ibanez Avila ofKey Largop­ulled up next to Bershatsky’s vehi­cle and iden­ti­fied the boat as his own.  Offi­cers said Ber­shatsky claimed to be actor Sam Elliot on his way to meet “De Niro” for a movie shoot. Ber­shatsky was arrested and charged with grand theft and mul­ti­ple traf­fic violations.

DWS(tupid) - A judge decided to throw the book at a man arrested for dri­ving while intox­i­cated — because he was busted on the way home from a hear­ing on his pre­vi­ous drunk-driving charge.  William Parminter was unfor­tu­nate enough to get flagged down by the same cop on both occa­sions. The offi­cer said Parminter smelled of alco­hol, and had a half-full can of Key­stone Light tucked into his Jeep’s cen­ter con­sole. Parminter’s attor­ney asked for leniency, given his past men­tal issues, but the judge dis­agreed and sen­tenced him to prison — and sus­pended his license for 15 years.

TAT’S ALL, FOLKS! - cops traced foot­prints of an El Paso man to his mom’s home, where they noticed his tat­toos were a per­fect match for the spray paint­ing on the cars he set ablaze. Edwardo Ramirez offered some other hints to cops — such as hav­ing his hands and lower arms cov­ered in the same sil­ver spray paint he used in the spree and hav­ing a yard filled with items reported stolen from the torched vehi­cles. He faces two counts of arson.

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