Freak News for Friday 9/9


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THE BEARS ARE EVOLVING - A car thief in Cal­i­for­nia nearly came to a griz­zly end after crash­ing the vehi­cle he stole into the front stoop of a nearby home, but he man­aged to escape and flee into the woods where he blended in just fine … because he’s a bear! The crit­ter had his paws full after break­ing into a Toy­ota Prius in the dri­ve­way of a house in Pleasan­ton, Cal­i­for­nia. He rolled the car across the street and over a retain­ing wall before totally los­ing con­trol of the vehi­cle and dam­ag­ing the gear­box in his haste to make tracks. A police spokesper­son expressed sur­prise at the break-in, since there was no food in the car to lure the bear inside. He said, “Nor­mally, you’ll get reports of the dump­ster divers and trash divers, but bears break­ing into cars is different.”

BOOZINBULLWINKLE - Fire­fight­ers in Swe­den were called upon to res­cue a moose that had gone all squir­relly and got­ten itself stuck in a tree — after get­ting drunk on a batch of fer­mented apples. The crea­ture had been stuck in the tree with one foot touch­ing the ground for some time before Per Johans­son and his neigh­bors tried to free it on their own. They had no luck, so they called emer­gency ser­vice work­ers who man­aged to ease him to the ground, where he lay for a bit before stag­ger­ing off — with­out requir­ing mouth-to-moose resus­ci­ta­tion. Johans­son said, “My neigh­bor rec­og­nized it as the ani­mal that almost ran into her car ear­lier in the day. She was pretty sure the moose was already under the influence.”

WHEN SMELLING SALTS AREN’T ENOUGH - Court offi­cials in Florida called upon the most advanced med­ical pro­ce­dure at their dis­posal to try to revive a wit­ness who fainted while tes­ti­fy­ing at a trial — by hav­ing one of her rel­a­tives wave a worn sneaker under her nose. Fal­guni Patel wilted after a pros­e­cu­tor showed her the knife used by the masked rob­ber who robbed her con­ve­nience store in 2009, and the judge ordered the jury out of the room. When she couldn’t be woken up in tra­di­tional ways, a fam­ily mem­ber took off her ath­letic shoe and held it under the woman’s nose, say­ing that usu­ally worked. When it didn’t, the judge admit­ted de-feet and adjourned the ses­sion. Patel was taken away by para­medics and was reported to be rest­ing comfortably.

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