Freak News for Friday 9/9


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THE BEARS ARE EVOLVING – A car thief in California nearly came to a grizzly end after crashing the vehicle he stole into the front stoop of a nearby home, but he managed to escape and flee into the woods where he blended in just fine … because he’s a bear! The critter had his paws full after breaking into a Toyota Prius in the driveway of a house in Pleasanton, California. He rolled the car across the street and over a retaining wall before totally losing control of the vehicle and damaging the gearbox in his haste to make tracks. A police spokesperson expressed surprise at the break-in, since there was no food in the car to lure the bear inside. He said, “Normally, you’ll get reports of the dumpster divers and trash divers, but bears breaking into cars is different.”

BOOZIN’ BULLWINKLE – Firefighters in Sweden were called upon to rescue a moose that had gone all squirrelly and gotten itself stuck in a tree — after getting drunk on a batch of fermented apples. The creature had been stuck in the tree with one foot touching the ground for some time before Per Johansson and his neighbors tried to free it on their own. They had no luck, so they called emergency service workers who managed to ease him to the ground, where he lay for a bit before staggering off — without requiring mouth-to-moose resuscitation. Johansson said, “My neighbor recognized it as the animal that almost ran into her car earlier in the day. She was pretty sure the moose was already under the influence.”

WHEN SMELLING SALTS AREN’T ENOUGH – Court officials in Florida called upon the most advanced medical procedure at their disposal to try to revive a witness who fainted while testifying at a trial — by having one of her relatives wave a worn sneaker under her nose. Falguni Patel wilted after a prosecutor showed her the knife used by the masked robber who robbed her convenience store in 2009, and the judge ordered the jury out of the room. When she couldn’t be woken up in traditional ways, a family member took off her athletic shoe and held it under the woman’s nose, saying that usually worked. When it didn’t, the judge admitted de-feet and adjourned the session. Patel was taken away by paramedics and was reported to be resting comfortably.

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