The Slow & the Furious – An elderly London woman has had her driver’s license suspended for a year after leading cops on an hour-long chase — at a speed so slow one officer was able to catch up to her car while on foot. Caroline Turner’s excellent adventure began when she went the wrong way leaving a traffic circle and began driving against traffic — followed by three police cars. The world’s slowest chase lasted more than 25 miles, and ended when one of her pursuers trotted up and knocked on the window of her blue Ford Fiesta and took her into custody.
Put That Meat Away! – A New Jersey man exposed more than just his short fuse when he tried to attack another man and a cop with a meat cleaver! Dirk Baezner pinned the unidentified victim to the ground on a Jersey Citystreet, but only managed to inflict a minor cut on his hand. He was apprehended after he failed in an attempt to grab a baton from a policeman who’d given chase. I’m not sure if I was the victim if I would be more scared or embarrassed that this guy had me pinned down with his man parts dangling in the breeze! Prosecutor William Specht said, “Unfortunately, the police reports do not disclose how he came to be on the street without clothes. I have no knowledge of the relationship between him and the victim.”
Thinking Outside the Bun – A Florida man nearly caused a major case of mistaken identity when he answered a police request for his ID by trying to hand them a taco. Matthew Falkner was passed out in the drive thru lane of a Taco Bell when officers approached his vehicle — which was belching smoke because his foot was jammed on the accelerator as it revved in neutral. Falkner, who twice tried to pass off a taco as his driver’s license, admitted to having had “a beer,” and agreed to a breathalyzer test — which registered more than three times the legal limit. That’s a little too much to make a run for the border.