Freak News for Monday 10/10

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The Slow & the Furi­ous - An elderly Lon­don woman has had her driver’s license sus­pended for a year after lead­ing cops on an hour-long chase — at a speed so slow one offi­cer was able to catch up to her car while on foot. Car­o­line Turner’s excel­lent adven­ture began when she went the wrong way leav­ing a traf­fic cir­cle and began dri­ving against traf­fic — fol­lowed by three police cars. The world’s slow­est chase lasted more than 25 miles, and ended when one of her pur­suers trot­ted up and knocked on the win­dow of her blue Ford Fiesta and took her into custody.

Put That Meat Away! - A New Jer­sey man exposed more than just his short fuse when he tried to attack another man and a cop with a meat cleaver!  Dirk Baezner pinned the uniden­ti­fied vic­tim to the ground on a Jer­sey Citys­treet, but only man­aged to inflict a minor cut on his hand. He was appre­hended after he failed in an attempt to grab a baton from a police­man who’d given chase.  I’m not sure if I was the vic­tim if I would be more scared or embar­rassed that this guy had me pinned down with his man parts dan­gling in the breeze!  Pros­e­cu­tor William Specht said, “Unfor­tu­nately, the police reports do not dis­close how he came to be on the street with­out clothes. I have no knowl­edge of the rela­tion­ship between him and the victim.”

 Think­ing Out­side the Bun - A Florida man nearly caused a major case of mis­taken iden­tity when he answered a police request for his ID by try­ing to hand them a taco. Matthew Falkner was passed out in the drive thru lane of a Taco Bell when offi­cers approached his vehi­cle — which was belch­ing smoke because his foot was jammed on the accel­er­a­tor as it revved in neu­tral. Falkner, who twice tried to pass off a taco as his driver’s license, admit­ted to hav­ing had “a beer,” and agreed to a breath­a­lyzer test — which reg­is­tered more than three times the legal limit. That’s a lit­tle too much to make a run for the border.

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