Freak News for Monday 10/24


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Quar­ter for your thoughts - A Florida woman Erica Phillips and a male friend broke into a Gainesville bagel shop and stole a cash reg­is­ter, pre­sum­ing they’d come away with a big haul.  Phillips admit­ted to dri­ving John Har­ring­ton to the store, where he broke a dis­play win­dow and helped her haul off a reg­is­ter val­ued at 800 bucks; instead, they found a sin­gle quar­ter inside.

The broom is might­ier than the sword — Dale Foughty crept into a con­ve­nience store in a Spi­der­man get-up wield­ing a samu­rai sword and demanded a wad of cash, but the employee was hav­ing none of it — and poked him in the belly with a broom, lead­ing to a multi-person strug­gle. In the ruckus Foughty lost his mask and had a chunk of his pony­tail pulled out.  He was found hid­ing in a nearby home and arrested on charges of attempted rob­bery. I’m pretty sure it was the sword and the pony tail that made the employee sec­ond guess he wasn’t Spiderman.

King Midas FAIL! - Human feces, mixed with fer­til­izer and other ingre­di­ents and left on top of an elec­tric heater, will not turn to gold, an ama­teur alchemist in Belfast, Ire­land dis­cov­ered. But it will set your apart­ment on fire and endan­ger the lives of oth­ers around you! The judge said to the 30-year-old Paul Moran “Rather bizarrely, you were attempt­ing to make gold from human feces and waste prod­ucts,” and then sen­tenced him to jail for 3 months for attempted arson. Moran’s lawyer described his client as a man of “con­sid­er­able intel­lec­tual abil­ity,” but with drug problems.

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