Freak News for Thursday 10/27

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Kiss me, I’m card­board - A Mass­a­chu­setts man who hap­pens to be a reg­is­tered sex offender was arrested last week­end after try­ing to have his way with a vic­tim who couldn’t say a word to stop him. Appar­ently, he walked into a phar­macy, approached the sun­glass dis­play and began kiss­ing and fondling the card­board cutout of a woman that was part of the adver­tis­ing. Onlook­ers described the 57-year-old as “intox­i­cated” — an assess­ment that was con­firmed when he fell down and began shout­ing at other cus­tomers.  This is the kind of story that causes weird laws like “you can­not make out with a card­board cutout while intoxicated”

Dumb Dumb! - Three Alabama men who robbed a pizza guy at gun­point made off with a decent amount of dough — but wound up being busted by a mis­laid pizza box.  The deliv­ery dude was sum­moned to an address that didn’t exist, and when he got out of his car to scope out the sit­u­a­tion, he was approached by three men who accosted him, steal­ing his wal­let and the pie they had ordered to lure him there in the first place. They might have got­ten away with the caper if they’d been more care­ful with their trash — since cops search­ing the area found the dis­carded pizza box in the back seat of a car reg­is­tered to one of them. All are being held on $25,000 bond.

Pah-ty head - A 26-year-old British man paid a shame­ful visit to the fire sta­tion .  He was play­ing the party game “can you fit this object over your head” when the fun went a lit­tle too far.  After approx­i­mately two hours of wrig­gling around, the man called the fire sta­tion, where trained pro­fes­sion­als man­aged to remove the toi­let seat using cut­ting equip­ment. “He looked rather flushed when he arrived but relieved when we man­aged to get the toi­let seat off him,” said crew man­ager Michael Bur­dern.  Though he got the toi­let seat over his head, it remains unclear whether the man won the drink­ing game.

Unknown source