Which ass are you voting for? — Officials in the Society for a New Bulgaria party have nominated a braying ass named Marko as their candidate in the race for mayor of Varna. The left-leaning party feels that the donkey would do a better job than right-wing incumbent Kiril Yordanov, who might be feeling the heat — since he’s refused to share a platform with the animal. A party rep says, “Unlike the other politicians, the Donkey has a strong character, doesn’t steal, doesn’t lie, and gets work done.” This actually isn’t a bad idea….
Pot weilding murder - Alan Quint of Madison,WI was wandering down a street in the normally peaceful town wielding a pot in a menacing fashion, and slamming it into the windows and doors of several homes. A police spokesman said, “He said he wasn’t angry with anyone, but this was just what he chose to do.” Quint also told police he wanted to go to jail, and that request was granted.
Stop the violence…or I’ll kill ya!! — Celebrities and regular folks alike have been trying to spread the word that bullying is wrong, but one Canadian man, Rock Dagenais, who was carrying a sawed-off rifle and a hunting knife, told teachers that he didn’t mind shooting children, and warned that he’d do so if cops were called. After he was taken into custody without incident, he spun an odd tale of depression over being bullied while a child — something he thought he could prevent by scaring the fourth graders straight with weapons. He apologized in court, but insisted there was “perfect safety” in his actions.