Freak News for Thursday 9/29


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Which ass are you vot­ing for? — Offi­cials in the Soci­ety for a New Bul­garia party have nom­i­nated a bray­ing ass named Marko as their can­di­date in the race for mayor of Varna. The left-leaning party feels that the don­key would do a bet­ter job than right-wing incum­bent Kiril Yor­danov, who might be feel­ing the heat — since he’s refused to share a plat­form with the ani­mal. A party rep says, “Unlike the other politi­cians, the Don­key has a strong char­ac­ter, doesn’t steal, doesn’t lie, and gets work done.”  This actu­ally isn’t a bad idea….

Pot weild­ing mur­der - Alan Quint of Madison,WI was wan­der­ing down a street in the nor­mally peace­ful town wield­ing a pot in a men­ac­ing fash­ion, and slam­ming it into the win­dows and doors of sev­eral homes. A police spokesman said, “He said he wasn’t angry with any­one, but this was just what he chose to do.”  Quint also told police he wanted to go to jail, and that request was granted.

Stop the violence…or I’ll kill ya!! — Celebri­ties and reg­u­lar folks alike have been try­ing to spread the word that bul­ly­ing is wrong, but one Cana­dian man, Rock Dage­nais, who was car­ry­ing a sawed-off rifle and a hunt­ing knife, told teach­ers that he didn’t mind shoot­ing chil­dren, and warned that he’d do so if cops were called.  After he was taken into cus­tody with­out inci­dent, he spun an odd tale of depres­sion over being bul­lied while a child — some­thing he thought he could pre­vent by scar­ing the fourth graders straight with weapons.  He apol­o­gized in court, but insisted there was “per­fect safety” in his actions.

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