Friday 11/30

Nevada man Tod Jerome Johnson called police to report that multiple people needed help for gunshot wounds, so, when they arrived, they found Johnson dancing amid the flames wearing only his tighty-whities and socks – despite the fact that the temperature was below freezing. First responders needed to sedate the 47-year-old to get him to a local hospital, where he was charged with arson and battery – for kicking a paramedic and spitting in the face of a nurse.

Critics of breast implants like to cite possible side effects, but now advocates can mention their life-saving potential: Canadian Eileen Likness testified at the trial of an ex-boyfriend accused of shooting her saying her implants saved her life! The bullet traveled through one and out the other before hitting her forearm. Now she’s all healed—with new implants.  Cause you never know when you’ll need bullet proof boobs.

On the first day of Christmas, a Louisiana woman gave her neighbors one finger flipping – in the form of a light display designed to look like an extended middle finger pointed in their direction. Officials in the town of Denham Springs thought Sarah Henderson was being naughty, not nice, and ordered her to remove the display, which they said did not show the proper holiday spirit. Henderson says that she’s had a long-running dispute with her neighbors and claims the illuminated finger is “the only means I have to express myself to these people … I’ve always been a little bit different.” And obviously alittle angry.

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