Friday 7/27

It’s always difficult when someone steals your personal possessions, as a Chinese man found out the hard way – when intruders burst into his room and made off with his Johnson. Fei Lin says he was fast asleep when several men entered his chamber and put something over his head and pulled down his trousers and then they ran off. He said, “I was so shocked I didn’t feel a thing – then I saw I was bleeding and my unit was gone.” Police and emergency service workers immediately set off on a search, but the thieves proved successful in their game of hide the salami – not a trace of Lin’s organ could be found.

A woman saw Wayne Cossey emerge from his vehicle, drop his pants and squat down to relieve himself, so she took a cell phone snapshot and called cops to report the offense. The deputy decided to run the license plate of the man’s car, only to find that it had been reported stolen.  Cossey is being held on charges of indecent exposure, DUI and grand theft auto, so he could well be in deep doo-doo.

Florida man John Pardus accidentally wounded himself and grew concerned about his gun-handling skills, so he requested some in-home safety tips from a policeman who was at the hospital that treated his injury. The officer agreed and followed Pardus home, then noticed “a strong smell of marijuana” on the premises. Upon finding 46 large plants, they decided to haul in the man and his wife, Kimberly.  Wait, it gets worse. Proving chivalry may be dead after all, Pardus told police he had nothing to do with the marijuana and his wife was the only person to ever use the home’s second floor.

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