Friday 7/27

It’s always dif­fi­cult when some­one steals your per­sonal pos­ses­sions, as a Chi­nese man found out the hard way – when intrud­ers burst into his room and made off with his John­son. Fei Lin says he was fast asleep when sev­eral men entered his cham­ber and put some­thing over his head and pulled down his trousers and then they ran off. He said, “I was so shocked I didn’t feel a thing – then I saw I was bleed­ing and my unit was gone.” Police and emer­gency ser­vice work­ers imme­di­ately set off on a search, but the thieves proved suc­cess­ful in their game of hide the salami – not a trace of Lin’s organ could be found.

A woman saw Wayne Cossey emerge from his vehi­cle, drop his pants and squat down to relieve him­self, so she took a cell phone snap­shot and called cops to report the offense. The deputy decided to run the license plate of the man’s car, only to find that it had been reported stolen.  Cossey is being held on charges of inde­cent expo­sure, DUI and grand theft auto, so he could well be in deep doo-doo.

Florida man John Par­dus acci­den­tally wounded him­self and grew con­cerned about his gun-handling skills, so he requested some in-home safety tips from a police­man who was at the hos­pi­tal that treated his injury. The offi­cer agreed and fol­lowed Par­dus home, then noticed “a strong smell of mar­i­juana” on the premises. Upon find­ing 46 large plants, they decided to haul in the man and his wife, Kim­berly.  Wait, it gets worse. Prov­ing chivalry may be dead after all, Par­dus told police he had noth­ing to do with the mar­i­juana and his wife was the only per­son to ever use the home’s sec­ond floor.

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