Friday 9/21

An Ohio woman got a real kick in the ash from authorities after they searched her home and found the remains of more than 50 people cremated in a funeral home she used to run. Investigators were tipped off when contractors working in Scherrie McLin’s home stumbled upon a wall of boxes embossed with the names, birth and death dates of their inhabitants. McLin’s mortuary had been shut down at the beginning of the year by authorities who found “a number” of serious violations.

Juan Darwin Martinez called his girlfriend and San Jose police and reported that he had been bound and gagged and led to a storage shed where he pleaded for his life. He said his kidnappers threatened to kill him, but eventually let him go after taking $1,500 and his uncashed payroll check. But the truth is, he wasn’t kidnapped. Instead, he was playing High Stakes Texas Hold’em at a local casino – where he lost all his money. And, of course, was spotted on the casino’s security video.

A British woman claiming to be a pirate hopped onto a moored ferry and sailed off with it. Alison Whelan was in the middle of a two-day bender on booze and hallucinogens when she found her way onto the 100-passenger ship, untied it from the dock and called emergency services, claiming to be Captain Jack Sparrow. She ended up doing tens of thousands of dollars of damage to other vessels on her wild ride, which one onlooker compared to “a pinball machine.” Authorities eventually cut the trip short, pulling Whelan to shore as she cackled about almost making it to St. Tropez. She was sentenced to 120 days in prison for the joyride.

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