Friday 9/21

An Ohio woman got a real kick in the ash from author­i­ties after they searched her home and found the remains of more than 50 peo­ple cre­mated in a funeral home she used to run. Inves­ti­ga­tors were tipped off when con­trac­tors work­ing in Scher­rie McLin’s home stum­bled upon a wall of boxes embossed with the names, birth and death dates of their inhab­i­tants. McLin’s mor­tu­ary had been shut down at the begin­ning of the year by author­i­ties who found “a num­ber” of seri­ous violations.

Juan Dar­win Mar­tinez called his girl­friend and San Jose police and reported that he had been bound and gagged and led to a stor­age shed where he pleaded for his life. He said his kid­nap­pers threat­ened to kill him, but even­tu­ally let him go after tak­ing $1,500 and his uncashed pay­roll check. But the truth is, he wasn’t kid­napped. Instead, he was play­ing High Stakes Texas Hold’em at a local casino – where he lost all his money. And, of course, was spot­ted on the casino’s secu­rity video.

A British woman claim­ing to be a pirate hopped onto a moored ferry and sailed off with it. Ali­son Whe­lan was in the mid­dle of a two-day ben­der on booze and hal­lu­cino­gens when she found her way onto the 100-passenger ship, untied it from the dock and called emer­gency ser­vices, claim­ing to be Cap­tain Jack Spar­row. She ended up doing tens of thou­sands of dol­lars of dam­age to other ves­sels on her wild ride, which one onlooker com­pared to “a pin­ball machine.” Author­i­ties even­tu­ally cut the trip short, pulling Whe­lan to shore as she cack­led about almost mak­ing it to St. Tropez. She was sen­tenced to 120 days in prison for the joyride.

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