He didn't axe nicely

So, you’re dri­ving along the high­way mind­ing your own beeswax when sud­denly an axe flies through your AXE through windsheildwind­shield. That’s what hap­pened to a dri­ver at about 11 a.m. Wednes­day on south­bound Inter­state 95 in Tops­field, MASS. A cor­ner of its blade stuck in the pas­sen­ger side of the car’s dash­board. The han­dle was stick­ing through the wind­shield. Police say the car’s pas­sen­ger was “shaken up” but not hurt. A truck dri­ver was cited for fail­ing to secure the axe to his dump truck. He was fined $200 and prob­a­bly sent a clean­ing bill.


A PETA employee in Ten­nessee has a bone to pick with that state’s Depart­ment of Motor Vehi­cles, which denied her a van­ity license plate pro­claim­ing her love for tofu … over fears she loved to get nasty! Whit­ney Calk, a vegan, filed an appli­ca­tion to get a plate read­ing “ILVTOFU” – but author­i­ties rejected the request out­right, think­ing that the mes­sage was more about the bed­room than about the kitchen. She says, “All I’m try­ing to do is spread a pro-vegan mes­sage with my license plate. It just seemed log­i­cal to change my license plate to some­thing I believed in.” I believe in tofu???


Indi­ana man 32-year-old Ter­rence Lewis sur­ren­dered to police on attempted mur­der charges, but before doing so he had appar­ently stuffed small bags of tobacco and mar­i­juana in his nether regions. Offi­cers noticed some­thing stick­ing out and that’s when Lewis pulled it out and shoved it into his mouth so that cops wouldn’t get it. He was ordered to spit it out, which he did, and was then charged with nar­cotics pos­ses­sion. The fol­low­ing day, Lewis got in trou­ble again after he beat up a 60-year-old cell mate because the man was pass­ing gas. So, it’s OK to put a bag that’s been in HIS butt in HIS mouth but when he has to smell some­one else’s booty he freaks out. Seems like a dou­ble stan­dard to me. The vic­tim was trans­ported to a hos­pi­tal while Lewis was given an addi­tional charge of battery.

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