He forgot the most important part

A Cal­i­for­nia man was booked on van­dal­ism charges after he caused a ruckus at the main branch of San Francisco’s library by fil­ing three shelves of books under “P” – P E E. A library employee called cops after he heard a sus­pi­cious noise and found Aton Cole reliev­ing him­self over a rack of books in the phi­los­o­phy sec­tion. Cole, who was described as a repeated nui­sance at the branch, was banned from the premises for a month after being caught uri­nat­ing on a car­pet in the African-American stud­ies sec­tion. Offi­cials are still try­ing to deter­mine if the books, val­ued at about $3,000, should be cleaned for re-use or destroyed.

Florida Offi­cers pulled Edward John­son over for a traf­fic vio­la­tion, and as they approached the car, he attempted to flee on foot, but didn’t make it too far. He was searched and the cops found two loose Oxy­codone pills in his shirt pocket and decided to check the front of the car, where they found a pipe con­tain­ing Cialis.  Once in cus­tody, it was dis­cov­ered that Johnson’s driver’s license had been revoked, so he was also charged with fraud for imper­son­ation and dri­ving on a sus­pended license. I won­der if his incar­cer­a­tion lasted more than four hours.

man on bikeA Chi­nese man decided to cut off his not-so-magic John­son, then rushed him­self to the E.R. ON HIS BIKE to have it re-attached.  But when he made it in to see a doc­tor, he real­ized that he’d left the meat of the mat­ter behind! By the time some­one retrieved it, Hu was told that was a lost cause. The man’s fam­ily is con­sid­er­ing a law­suit, charg­ing the hos­pi­tal with neglect for not pro­vid­ing an ambu­lance for him to go home and col­lect his chopped stick.

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