A California man was booked on vandalism charges after he caused a ruckus at the main branch of San Francisco’s library by filing three shelves of books under “P” – P E E. A library employee called cops after he heard a suspicious noise and found Aton Cole relieving himself over a rack of books in the philosophy section. Cole, who was described as a repeated nuisance at the branch, was banned from the premises for a month after being caught urinating on a carpet in the African-American studies section. Officials are still trying to determine if the books, valued at about $3,000, should be cleaned for re-use or destroyed.
Florida Officers pulled Edward Johnson over for a traffic violation, and as they approached the car, he attempted to flee on foot, but didn’t make it too far. He was searched and the cops found two loose Oxycodone pills in his shirt pocket and decided to check the front of the car, where they found a pipe containing Cialis. Once in custody, it was discovered that Johnson’s driver’s license had been revoked, so he was also charged with fraud for impersonation and driving on a suspended license. I wonder if his incarceration lasted more than four hours.
A Chinese man decided to cut off his not-so-magic Johnson, then rushed himself to the E.R. ON HIS BIKE to have it re-attached. But when he made it in to see a doctor, he realized that he’d left the meat of the matter behind! By the time someone retrieved it, Hu was told that was a lost cause. The man’s family is considering a lawsuit, charging the hospital with neglect for not providing an ambulance for him to go home and collect his chopped stick.