I smell a rat...or is that apple cake?


It’s tough to think of a less appe­tiz­ing way to cel­e­brate one’s 96th birth­day. Joseph Vallenti’s request for his big day rat cakewas a slice of his favorite Ger­man apple cake, made by King Kullen super­mar­ket. After tak­ing the 1st bite the birth­day boy said, “Some­thing isn’t right.” Indeed. His niece’s boyfriend decided to inspect the uncut por­tion of the cake and found the rem­nants of a rat inside! King Kullen says they have “taken imme­di­ate pre­cau­tion­ary mea­sures, includ­ing remov­ing the cakes and con­duct­ing thor­ough inspec­tions” to find out what happened.

For gen­er­a­tions, the leg­end of Big­foot has drawn wanna-be believ­ers deep into the for­est in search of proof of the large, human-like crea­ture. Typ­i­cally, sight­ings have been in the woods of the Pacific North­west and occa­sion­ally else­where. How­ever, if one Michi­gan fam­ily is to be believed, Big­foot has left the for­est in favor of a more urban envi­ron­ment. A man named C. Brown says he was dri­ving with his wife and two kids in Detroit when they noticed what appeared to be Sasquatch climb­ing out the win­dow of an aban­doned build­ing. Brown says it was a large ape-like crea­ture with red hair, a human face and a tri­an­gu­lar head.  Ummmm sounds like a home­less dude who needs to shave. 

Joshua Bar­rant and Elisha Glenn walked into a thrift shop bran­dish­ing what appeared to be a gun, but was actu­ally a pole stuffed into a bright red stock­ing. The plan unrav­eled when a clerk saw through the ban­dana dis­guises they were sport­ing and addressed Bar­rant by say­ing, “Hey J.J., is that you?”  The rob­bers fled, but were cap­tured nearby with Bar­rant admit­ting he floated the idea of a heist because he couldn’t think of any­thing bet­ter to do.

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