Is that a bottle of pee in your pocket or...wait....


Eugene Rakow was work­ing on a deck when he fired a 3 1/2-inch nail into his chest.  He had the gun at an angle, chest level, and it jumped while he still had his hand on the trig­ger. It impaled the nail in my chest.“He said it didn’t hurt “that bad” at first. He did make it to the hos­pi­tal in time but the sur­geon said that nine out of 10 peo­ple wouldn’t make it.” It turns out the nail came within 2 mil­lime­ters of a coro­nary artery!

pee bottleA Con­necti­cut man was arrested last week after he tried to turn a pre-school into a pee-school by wan­der­ing into the school with a bot­tle of urine hid­den in his pants pocket. A bystander called cops to report a sus­pi­cious look­ing man hang­ing out on the play­ground out­side the Strat­ford United Methodist Church school, and when they arrived on the scene, they spot­ted Nicholas Lewon­czyk try­ing to get inside. He told offi­cers that he was merely tak­ing a short­cut to the church, where he planned to take a prayer break – and explained the bot­tle by say­ing that he always car­ried his urine around because peo­ple were try­ing to tam­per with it. School offi­cials said Lewon­czyk was wash­ing him­self with water from a bird­bath at the school before police arrived. He was taken to a nearby psy­chi­atric facil­ity for observation.

Florida man Bran­don Rape [pr: rah-PAY] was reliev­ing him­self in the bushes when he got a gun shot blast in the upper thigh cour­tesy of his friend Jared Hemphill, who fired at what he thought was a snake the two guys had seen slith­er­ing across the road ear­lier! A cop who responded to the sound of the shot escorted their vehi­cle to the hos­pi­tal, where doc­tors decided to leave the .22-caliber bul­let in Brandon’s leg. He decided not to press charges against Hemphill.

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