Jonah Falcon – also known as the man with the world’s largest ding dong – has agreed to donate it to the Icelandic Phallological Museum after his death. Falcon’s family jewels will join the museum’s collection, which includes more than 300 penises from more than 93 different animals, ranging in size from a two-millimeter hamster unit to a six-foot whale weenie. I’d hate to be the sucker that has to stuff it for display.
Jeff Wooten, walked into an Atlanta-area restaurant with a pitchfork and used it to herd customers and employees into a back room so that he could get to the cash register. When he couldn’t open it, he grabbed the entire register and carried it out of the restaurant. But while making a run for it, he dropped the pitchfork, which was picked up by a Waffle House employee who then started beating him with it. Somehow he still managed to get away and now cops are searching for him.
According to the West Virginia Huntington Police Department, Christopher Anderson woke up in the bathroom of the C&O Credit Union and realized he was locked inside. Flashback: earlier in the day the 32-year-old went into the bank and for whatever reason he thought the bathroom would be a good place to do some heroin. The drug had other plans and he passed out. When Anderson woke up, he called the police to come let him out. He was arrested for misdemeanor possession of a controlled substance and an outstanding warrant.