karma lends a finger

A Pennsylvania school district went into crisis mode yesterday over a shooting “threat.” High school student Travis Clawson, 19, unwittingly found himself the subject of a manhunt when the receptionist at his eye doctor’s office called to confirm an upcoming appointment and got his voicemail. The greeting, to her ears, said he couldn’t come to the phone because he was “shooting people outside of the school.” The message was actually Clawson’s rendition of Will Smith’s line that he was “shooting some b-ball outside of the school.” But police didn’t realize that until after they’d locked down all the schools in the county, and sent a swarm of officers to apprehend the unsuspecting Clawson, who was in his guidance counselor’s office. After an interrogation, and close inspection of the voicemail message, they decided not to press charges

A man was standing in front of his house when Miguel Ortiz and Sergio Maldonado walked up to him, brandished a gun and demanded he drive them around doing errands, culminating with a stop at the Bare Elegance gentlemen’s club. When they arrived there, they took the man’s wallet – probably hoping for a wad of singles – and went inside. Their evening of carousing was nipped in the bud by cops showing up a short time later, and both were hauled off to the pokey.

pinkyA New Mexico, Leando Sage was fighting with his girlfriend when her brother, identified as Robert Martinez, intervened. The two men began to tussle, and Sage decided to do more than just mouth off, chomping down on Martinez’s pinkie, severing it at the first joint. Sage fled the scene after figuring out he’d bitten off more than he could chew, then ran into the street, where he was blindsided by an oncoming vehicle. He was treated and released at a local hospital, but arrested on assault charges.

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