Monday 03/12

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An Iowa man showed off his cheesi­est side by shoplift­ing an arm­ful of beer and snacks from a con­ve­nience store — and then spread­ing a jar of stolen cheese dip all over the store’s bath­room.  Blake Robin­son took his bounty into the can in order to chow down, and then decided the Tos­ti­tos Salsa Con Queso would be bet­ter suited to an art project than a meal. Cops arrived on the scene and told Robin­son to spread ‘em. The 28-year-old, who “appeared highly intox­i­cated,” was charged with com­mit­ting crim­i­nal mischief.

Bradley Colas, an off-duty Vir­ginia cop attacked fire­fight­ers and demand­ing an audi­ence with Jesus while under the influ­ence of drugs — antibi­otics he was tak­ing for his bron­chi­tis! Bradley Colas was on his way toPhiladel­phia, where he says he had an appoint­ment to meet with the Man Upstairs, when he crashed his car. Unde­terred, he began walk­ing down the high­way, wav­ing a gun and demand­ing to be dri­ven to the city of broth­erly love. When the fire­fight­ers tried to help calm Colas down, he pulled out a knife and stabbed them, inflict­ing minor wounds, because he thought they were demons.  He’s cur­rently under obser­va­tion at a psy­chi­atric hospital.

There’s a jail sen­tence on tap for a Florida crook that broke into a parked mini-van and stole an arm­ful of CDs and a sports bag.  It’s pos­si­ble he may have got­ten away with it too but there was only one prob­lem for Ahmad “Ace” Brax­ton.  He left a half-finished Steel Reserve malt liquor in the front pas­sen­ger seat of the vehi­cle. Cops quickly sub­mit­ted the can for analy­sis and turned up Braxton’s name in their database.

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