Monday 1/14

A Ger­man man was saved from hav­ing his chest­nuts roasted by an open fire when res­cue work­ers freed him from a chim­ney that he man­aged to get trapped in – while stark naked! The 39-year-old got wedged about 30 feet down in the chim­ney after try­ing to rap­pel down using a rope and los­ing his grip. He report­edly suf­fered a res­pi­ra­tory attack and lost con­scious­ness, but was revived after about 15 min­utes of work by fire­fight­ers, who had to drill a hole through the sec­ond floor to free him.A spokesper­son for the Berlin fire depart­ment said, “He suf­fered from injuries in the fall and due to his scant cloth­ing – namely his naked­ness – he became very cold.”

 We’re not sure what’s worse – that a man in Ore­gon tried to stran­gle his girl­friend to death, or that he did it with his greasy, nasty dreadlocks.32-year-old Caleb Grot­berg is fac­ing counts of second-degree kid­nap­ping, second-degree attempted assault, fourth-degree assault, men­ac­ing and domes­tic vio­lence. Offi­cers in Port­land responded to a domes­tic vio­lence call ear­lier this week, and when they arrived, the woman told them that Grot­berg was her boyfriend and that he’d tried to choke her with his dreads. Although Grot­berg had fled the scene, police searched the neigh­bor­hood, found him and arrested him.

A Florida woman chan­neled her inner Mike Tyson and bit off her boyfriend’s ear dur­ing a heated argument.54-year-old Steve Bolin didn’t tell the cops right away that his girl­friend took a chunk out of his ear, but did call them the next day because “he couldn’t stand how his ear looked.” Bolin’s girl­friend, 32-year-old Sarah Wulchak, has been arrested and charged with aggra­vated assault.

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