Monday 1/14

A German man was saved from having his chestnuts roasted by an open fire when rescue workers freed him from a chimney that he managed to get trapped in – while stark naked! The 39-year-old got wedged about 30 feet down in the chimney after trying to rappel down using a rope and losing his grip. He reportedly suffered a respiratory attack and lost consciousness, but was revived after about 15 minutes of work by firefighters, who had to drill a hole through the second floor to free him.A spokesperson for the Berlin fire department said, “He suffered from injuries in the fall and due to his scant clothing – namely his nakedness – he became very cold.”

 We’re not sure what’s worse – that a man in Oregon tried to strangle his girlfriend to death, or that he did it with his greasy, nasty dreadlocks.32-year-old Caleb Grotberg is facing counts of second-degree kidnapping, second-degree attempted assault, fourth-degree assault, menacing and domestic violence. Officers in Portland responded to a domestic violence call earlier this week, and when they arrived, the woman told them that Grotberg was her boyfriend and that he’d tried to choke her with his dreads. Although Grotberg had fled the scene, police searched the neighborhood, found him and arrested him.

A Florida woman channeled her inner Mike Tyson and bit off her boyfriend’s ear during a heated argument.54-year-old Steve Bolin didn’t tell the cops right away that his girlfriend took a chunk out of his ear, but did call them the next day because “he couldn’t stand how his ear looked.” Bolin’s girlfriend, 32-year-old Sarah Wulchak, has been arrested and charged with aggravated assault.

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