Monday 12/3


Talk about a hair of the dog that bit you: A New Zealand man went into surgery after lit­er­ally drink­ing him­self blind this sum­mer!  Denis Duthie, 65, was cel­e­brat­ing his par­ents’ 50th wed­ding anniver­sary by drink­ing vodka—when he sud­denly found he had “gone com­pletely blind,” he says. “I thought it had got dark and I’d missed out on a bit of time but it was only about half past three in the afternoon.“At the hos­pi­tal doc­tors real­ized Duthie prob­a­bly had methanol poi­son­ing from the vodka, which reacted badly with his dia­betes med­ica­tion. They wanted to treat it with ethanol, a com­mon type of alco­hol, but didn’t have any—so the reg­is­trar ran out for a bot­tle of Johnny Walker Black Whiskey. Doc­tors dripped it into Duthie’s stom­ach through a tube, and lo and behold, he could see again five days later.

Cops are on the look­out for two sus­pects who robbed a con­ve­nience store clerk with the dead­liest of weapons.  The man and woman, described as white and in their early 20s, entered a store attached to a gas sta­tion and tried to sneak off with some bot­tles of Olde Eng­lish malt liquor, but were spot­ted by the clerk, who went over to con­front them. When the worker said he planned to call 911 if the pair didn’t hit the road imme­di­ately, the male pulled out a ukulele and cold-cocked him. The vic­tim suf­fered a severe scalp lac­er­a­tion. The sus­pects fled before offi­cers arrived. And the ukulele? It was destroyed.

Gabriel Bautista dropped the two pack­ages at a FedEx store, intend­ing for the usual overnight deliv­ery, but when more than two weeks went by with no sign of the boxes, he decided to call and have them traced – which they were … straight to the cus­toms depart­ment, which had seized them. You see they were packed with three kilos of meth and a whole mess of cocaine.  Bautista gave his con­tact info, which had not been placed on the pack­ages them­selves, and FedEx con­tacted author­i­ties, who swung by to inform him of their status, as well as his own – which was busted.

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