Monday 2/11

Cops responding to a 911 call found a car in a ditch with a woman in the passenger’s seat, bleeding and rambling about someone trying to kill her. They then found a cell phone that had a profile corresponding to a man named Joel Lankford – who, coincidentally, was spotted loitering on a nearby porch. He told a second set of officers that he had been brought to the house by extra-terrestrials, a story they attributed to the fact that he smelled strongly of alcohol and was “very unsteady” on his feet.

Live Science reports police caught on to the 23-year-old after he was arrested for biting and stabbing people in an effort to collect blood. He also had his father bring him bags of blood from a blood bank. Doctors have traced the man’s behavior to traumas dating back to his childhood. His mother’s tendency to “freak out” and attack him may have triggered his multiple personalities. But his traumas in later life were more severe, including the death of his 4-year-old daughter, the killing of his uncle, and the sight of a murder in which “one of his friends cut off the victim’s head.” Six weeks after his treatment, doctors found his blood-lust in remission but dissociative symptoms ongoing. The man also said his “drugs were merely sleeping pills, they would not cure him.”  Doctors also claim that they found all 4 Twilight movies underneath his hospital bed.

dirty cellphoneA prisoner in the Asian country of Sri Lanka gave new meaning to the term “booty call” when he tried to smuggle a cell phone into jail inside a body cavity – only to have his plan crushed when someone called … and his butt started ringing off the hook. It’s not the first time an inmate at the prison was busted for a similar offense: Back in November, two dozen people were killed in a riot that was sparked by a similar confiscation.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Unknown source