Monday 5/28

 65-year-old Gord Shurvell is recov­er­ing from long claw marks on his back and bite wounds to his shoul­der and head. The hunter and fish­er­man from Win­nipeg, Man­i­toba, was with a friend at a rural cabin near Sioux Look­out in north­west­ern Ontar­iosit­ting in the out­house when a bear sud­denly appeared!  He said, “I left the door open because I was enjoy­ing the view, and I was so happy!”  That he didn’t have to drop trough in a bush. The bear reached in and grabbed his ankles!  Shurvell said he wasn’t able to kick or defend him­self well with his under­wear and pants around his ankles. The bear began drag­ging him into the for­est as Shurvell screamed for his friend, Daniel who rushed out with a rifle and dis­tracted the bear so he could get a clear shot.  He shot the bear once in the head and killed it. Shurvell told the CBC he’s chang­ing his out­house habits and from now on he’ll   prob­a­bly put up with the stench and shut the door.”

 Box­ford police Lt. James Riter says he was respond­ing to a call for loose cows and spot­ted them in a front yard. Riter says the herd high-tailed it for the back­yard and then he heard scream­ing. He says when he ran back there he saw the cows had chased off some young adults. The cows had knocked the beer cans over on a table and were lap­ping up what spilled. He says they even started root­ing around the recy­cled cans for some extra drops. Riter says the cows’ owner and some friends herded the cows back home. Damn drunken bovine.

A Wis­con­sinthief is in jail after he filmed him­self admit­ting he stole a video cam­era from a Chris Rochester.  In the 79-second video, he explained “This is my house, yes, and a stolen cam­era that I stole. But it’s OK, the cop won’t fig­ure it out.”  Then he adds, “Oh yeah, to intro­duce you, my name is Houaka (HO’-kah) Yang.” Turns out the police were already look­ing for him because ini­tially they were track­ing down Yang from sur­veil­lance tape of peo­ple break­ing into his boss’ car. The 20-year-old now has three mis­de­meanor charges, includ­ing two theft

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