Monday 8/27

Susanne Eman of Casa Grande, Ari­zona is vying to become ‘World’s Fat­test Woman Ever’ by eat­ing more than 20,000 calo­ries per day. The 32-year-old mother of 2 aims to sur­pass 1,600 lbs by her 40s by con­sum­ing enough food to fill 6 gro­cery carts per week. At 728 lbs, she’s already sur­passed the pre­vi­ous liv­ing record holder, Donna Simp­son of New Jer­sey, who tipped the scales at 700 lbs. Now in her sights: all-time record-holder Carol Yager of Flint, Michi­gan, who’s believed to have peaked at 1,596 lbs before she died in 1994 at age 34.

Two would-be good Samar­i­tans in New Jer­sey went the extra mile to restrain a man who was appar­ently rob­bing a woman on a deserted street.  The two vig­i­lantes were dri­ving by when they saw a scuf­fle on the street and jumped on the dude, who was intox­i­cated and not flu­ent in Eng­lish, giv­ing the 20-something thug-ette time to bolt. But when cops arrived to ques­tion the crew, they dis­cov­ered that the man was actu­ally the vic­tim, and had lost hun­dreds of dol­lars in cash and an expen­sive gold chain. The woman is still at large, but cops hope a sur­veil­lance video will help catch her.

Mar­cus Ban­well shoplifted sev­eral items from a super­mar­ket, includ­ing a bot­tle of juice, a canned milk­shake and sev­eral scotch bon­net pep­pers — which are about 100 times hot­ter than jalapenos. He popped one into his mouth out­side the shop, and imme­di­ately dou­bled over in pain, allow­ing cops to arrive on the scene to bust him — for the stolen food as well as pos­ses­sion of crack cocaine and heroin, which he had tucked into a pocket. The arrest was the 43rd for Ban­well, whose record dates back more than two decades.

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