Need "mow" beer!

Iowa man Billy Eugene Williams was steer­ing a mower errat­i­cally down the mid­dle of one of Des lawn mower wheelieMoines’ busiest streets, which attracted the atten­tion of a pass­ing patrol car. When pulled over, he admit­ted he’d downed a 12-pack of brewskis and was on his way to buy another. Williams failed a num­ber of field tests, includ­ing stand­ing on one leg and being unable to fol­low the officer’s fin­ger with his eyes, before he blew a 0.16 on a Breath­a­lyzer. He was taken to the county jail and held on $1,500 bail.

A guy was caught by cus­toms agents in Swe­den smug­gling 3,400 liters of beer, 250 liters of hard alco­hol, and 150 car­tons of cig­a­rettes across the bor­der. He weaseled his way out of the sit­u­a­tion by claim­ing it was all for per­sonal use. After doing the math and fig­ur­ing that nine liters of booze would have to be con­sumed each day for an entire year in order to get through the stash, police are offi­cially not buy­ing the story.

A prison inmate in Vir­ginia took “butt dial­ing” to a whole new level when he helped a fel­low pris­oner stay in touch with fam­ily by smug­gling a phone into the jail … inside his butt.  Guards became sus­pi­cious when they spot­ted Shawn Jones in his cell, cov­ered in his own feces, a mess he blamed on offi­cers not tak­ing him down the hall to the bath­room when he asked. Jones was taken to the prison’s med­ical facil­ity, where an x-ray revealed the phone. The stunt added a year to his sen­tence … which is a real pain in the butt.

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