Bigfoot eats pizza and poops

bigfoot_captured1Michi­gan man Anthony Padilla told offi­cers that he believes he awoke a sleep­ing Big­foot while clear­ing branches on his prop­erty, and things haven’t been the same since. Padilla went to the police sta­tion with an arm­load of evi­dence, includ­ing dead ani­mals, shred­ded pizza boxes and sus­pi­cious look­ing poop. While offi­cials have declined to assign any man­power to the case, they did take a state­ment from Padilla, who offered his assess­ment of what the mys­te­ri­ous mon­ster looks like. The police report says. “Anthony believes big­foot is not ape man or a mam­mal at all, but a spir­i­tual crea­ture that can shape shift, but when it takes form eats pizza and defecates.”

Mex­i­can man Guillermo Reyes was pulled over at a rou­tine check­point in Mex­ico City when an offi­cer heard a voice insis­tently say, “He’s drunk! He’s drunk!” Think­ing it was another per­son, the cop peered into the car and saw a par­rot in the back seat! Reyes failed a sobri­ety test and was sup­posed to for­feit the bird, but he said the crit­ter would suf­fer anx­i­ety and seri­ous health issues if that hap­pened, so it was allowed to accom­pany him to his own cage.

This biker popped more than a wheelie. A 22-year-old Irish­man expe­ri­enced a seven-week woody after crash­ing his moun­tain bike, accord­ing to the Irish Exam­iner. The injury, which was reported in the Jan­u­ary edi­tion of the Irish Med­ical Jour­nal, occurred after the man fell onto the cross­bar of his bike! Ouch! Doc­tors were finally able to shift his dingy into a lower gear using a process that involved insert­ing gel foam and plat­inum coils.

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