Why you should never take sheep intestines on a plane...

Ian Blake was pulled aside at Birm­ing­ham air­port when scan­ners thought they’d got­ten a whiff of plas­tic explo­sives, haggis2but the pack­age turned out to be noth­ing more than a bag of hag­gis — the intestines, lungs and kid­neys of a sheep stuffed into the animal’s stom­ach for extra-fine din­ing. The screen­ers apol­o­gized to Blake for the mis­take, but he couldn’t help but note one other minor issue: After giv­ing his hag­gis a pass, they com­pletely ignored the fact that his carry-on also housed a ten-inch knife that was part of a cer­e­mo­nial out­fit he’d planned to wear at a parade.

A pop­u­lar opera singer is suing the United States gov­ern­ment for mak­ing her the butt of jokes – because an army doc­tor botched an oper­a­tion, caus­ing her to fart uncon­trol­lably when stretch­ing for a high note.  Amy Herbst, whose hus­band is an Army offi­cer, was given an unex­pected pro­ce­dure dur­ing the deliv­ery of her son, which played havoc with her diges­tive sys­tem. She’s been told that surgery could fix the prob­lem, but might result in her being unable to have more chil­dren, so she’s putting it off – and fil­ing a law­suit over the musi­cal toots.

Union­town, PA police said Keith Metts, was mak­ing whoopee with a woman when her boyfriend arrived at the house.  The boyfriend, obvi­ously not happy with what he’d dis­cov­ered chased Metts out of the house before he could grab any­thing.  I mean noth­ing. Imag­ine the neigh­bors sur­prise when he went bang­ing on their door in the nude.  Metts was found walk­ing with a blan­ket and jacket and told police four men attacked him and took his cloth­ing and jew­elry.  Police fol­lowed Metts’ bare foot­prints in the snow and found “not a sin­gle sign of strug­gle.”  Metts finally came clean about con­coct­ing the story, police said.

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