Snake Snaffu

meat-purseA Wisconsin woman was busted for trying to steal a stack of steaks from a grocery store and trying to stuff them … well, we’re not exactly sure where … since she was naked from the waist down at the time!  Elizabeth Hoen was nabbed while standing bottomless on a street corner and showing officers exactly where the beef was. In her purse, officers found the three beefsteaks from a shop where security camera footage captured scenes of her crime.

Massachusetts Cops spotted 25-year-old Evan Dorsey rifling through a UPS package at a stranger’s house, which aroused their suspicions enough to search his pockets – in which they found some jewelry and a pocketful of stolen diabetic supplies. They also found a note with detailed plans to buy some meth, rob a drug dealer, get some cocaine and do something nice for a stranger.  I don’t think going through their mail applies to that!

While Dwayne Matthews was drinking with friends, a van arrived whose driver was selling a stolen 10-foot-long python. “In his wisdom, and no doubt egged on by his inebriated friends,” says his lawyer Matthews took him up on the offer. The next morning, he walked into the room where his friend was sleeping; the African rock snake was rearing up at (the friend) in an S-shape, its jaws open like a cobra.  Now, to his credit, Matthews tossed a blanket over the snake and got it back into its glass tank. Then he tried to sell it to a local pet shop, which had gotten wind of a recent snake theft and called police. Matthews got sentenced to eight weeks in prison.

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