Snake Snaffu


meat-purseA Wis­con­sin woman was busted for try­ing to steal a stack of steaks from a gro­cery store and try­ing to stuff them … well, we’re not exactly sure where … since she was naked from the waist down at the time!  Eliz­a­beth Hoen was nabbed while stand­ing bot­tom­less on a street cor­ner and show­ing offi­cers exactly where the beef was. In her purse, offi­cers found the three beef­steaks from a shop where secu­rity cam­era footage cap­tured scenes of her crime.

Mass­a­chu­setts Cops spot­ted 25-year-old Evan Dorsey rifling through a UPS pack­age at a stranger’s house, which aroused their sus­pi­cions enough to search his pock­ets – in which they found some jew­elry and a pock­et­ful of stolen dia­betic sup­plies. They also found a note with detailed plans to buy some meth, rob a drug dealer, get some cocaine and do some­thing nice for a stranger.  I don’t think going through their mail applies to that!

While Dwayne Matthews was drink­ing with friends, a van arrived whose dri­ver was sell­ing a stolen 10-foot-long python. “In his wis­dom, and no doubt egged on by his ine­bri­ated friends,” says his lawyer Matthews took him up on the offer. The next morn­ing, he walked into the room where his friend was sleep­ing; the African rock snake was rear­ing up at (the friend) in an S-shape, its jaws open like a cobra.  Now, to his credit, Matthews tossed a blan­ket over the snake and got it back into its glass tank. Then he tried to sell it to a local pet shop, which had got­ten wind of a recent snake theft and called police. Matthews got sen­tenced to eight weeks in prison.

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