Something stinks in suburbia

Inge Haugen says that he recently discovered a can of fermented herring that he and his wife stuck in fermented herringthe rafters of his home after a drunken party way back in 1990. He found the bulging container after noticing that the roof of the cabin had been raised by several inches due to the swelling.  Rather than tackle the problem himself, Haugen decided to reel in an expert, calling in fish whisperer Ruben Madsen to “disarm” the can. Madsen explained that he gets “two or three calls a year” from people who have found old cans of fermented herring and don’t know what to do with them, and says, “If there’s any actual fish left, I’m going to eat it.”

If you’re still looking for the beef, you can find it in Ohio where cops say 44-year-old Frances Slyman became angry at a 64-year-old woman working at a meat counter because the worker made derogatory comments about her husband.  Slyman responded by throwing two “special cut filets” at back at her. The flying meat hit the employee’s eye and shoulder, but she was uninjured. She did press charges, though. 

Cops pulled Ronald Clifton Brown over on the highway because his license plate was obstructed. As they spoke to him they noticed he seemed nervous. Brown explained to them that he was on his way to Virginia and that he had just visited a sick, elderly friend who’s in the hospital. When cops asked which hospital his elderly friend was in, Brown named the first one he could think of – Texas Children’s Hospital.  Knowing something wasn’t quite right; they searched his car and found $250,000 worth of heroin. He was arrested and is held on $100,000 bail.

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