Something stinks in suburbia

Inge Hau­gen says that he recently dis­cov­ered a can of fer­mented her­ring that he and his wife stuck in fermented herringthe rafters of his home after a drunken party way back in 1990. He found the bulging con­tainer after notic­ing that the roof of the cabin had been raised by sev­eral inches due to the swelling.  Rather than tackle the prob­lem him­self, Hau­gen decided to reel in an expert, call­ing in fish whis­perer Ruben Mad­sen to “dis­arm” the can. Mad­sen explained that he gets “two or three calls a year” from peo­ple who have found old cans of fer­mented her­ring and don’t know what to do with them, and says, “If there’s any actual fish left, I’m going to eat it.”

If you’re still look­ing for the beef, you can find it in Ohio where cops say 44-year-old Frances Sly­man became angry at a 64-year-old woman work­ing at a meat counter because the worker made deroga­tory com­ments about her hus­band.  Sly­man responded by throw­ing two “spe­cial cut filets” at back at her. The fly­ing meat hit the employee’s eye and shoul­der, but she was unin­jured. She did press charges, though. 

Cops pulled Ronald Clifton Brown over on the high­way because his license plate was obstructed. As they spoke to him they noticed he seemed ner­vous. Brown explained to them that he was on his way to Vir­ginia and that he had just vis­ited a sick, elderly friend who’s in the hos­pi­tal. When cops asked which hos­pi­tal his elderly friend was in, Brown named the first one he could think of – Texas Children’s Hos­pi­tal.  Know­ing some­thing wasn’t quite right; they searched his car and found $250,000 worth of heroin. He was arrested and is held on $100,000 bail.

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