Sour Apple Juice

An Ore­gon man, who was not iden­ti­fied, got into a scuf­fle with a fam­ily seated nearby in a movie the­ater and decided to make his feel­ings known — not with two thumbs up, but with one john­son out. He relieved him­self on a teenaged boy, and caused enough of a ruckus to get cops sum­moned to the mul­ti­plex. The fam­ily did not press charges, but the man is banned from the theater.

A Florida man made it easy for a high­way patrol offi­cer to nab him for dri­ving under the influ­ence – by steer­ing his vehi­cle right into the rear of the cop’s cruiser! John Tauber slammed into the back of the police vehi­cle, then tried to drive off, not notic­ing that the offi­cer was sit­ting inside. When the deputy caught up with him, Tauber nearly fell down while try­ing to leave the scene on foot. Tauber ini­tially refused field sobri­ety tests, and the offi­cer noted in his report that “the dri­ver stated he has a lot of money and I need to shut the [bleep] up.” He was taken to jail, where he took the breath test, blow­ing more than four times the legal limit.

WetFruitA Swedish man is fac­ing van­dal­ism charges after decid­ing to per­son­ally wash down the pro­duce sec­tion in a local super­mar­ket. The man, whose name was not released, walked into the Hemp­kop mar­ket and made his way to a fruit dis­play, where he sprayed down a dis­play of apples and oranges using the hose that God gave him. The own­ers of the store esti­mate that the DIY mar­i­nat­ing job did about $150 in dam­age to inven­tory, which they plan to try to recover by suing. Police who responded to the scene say the man was aggres­sive and needed to be restrained. He was described as “appar­ently intoxicated.”

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