Thursday 3/22

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An hon­est but lazy thief - Author­i­ties called Jay Maytin to inform him that his 13-year-old bike had been left at the Aspen,CO cour­t­house along with a brief apol­ogy read­ing, “Sorry. I stole this bike. I rode it home. Please give it back — Drunk.” Maytin says he has no inter­est in press­ing charges or find­ing out the iden­tity of the tipsy rider, say­ing, “I knew a drunk took it because it doesn’t have much of a re-sale value.”

 Cut the cook - The Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office said a deputy was approached in Lake Worthby a 56-year-old man who said he had argued with Lisa Cherry when she said she was sick of cook­ing for him. The man said Cherry was drink­ing beer and began throw­ing food out the door. The man said he told Cherry he would cut “her pony tail off if she didn’t stop throw­ing things,” lead­ing her to cut the house’s phone line and stab the man in the left hand!  Cherry was being held at the Palm Beach County Jail with­out bail.

 Smugler’s Blues - A dopey drug mule served her­self up to inves­ti­gat­ing agents on a plate — a license plate with the van­ity imprint “SMUGLER.” In case the feds didn’t catch on to that sub­tle clue, Jas­min Klair decided to com­plete her trans­ac­tion for 24 pounds of cocaine at a hotel near the Cana­dian bor­der called The Smuggler’s Inn. As the agents began ques­tion­ing Klair, she started get­ting text mes­sages with explicit instruc­tions of how the deal was sup­posed to go down. The author­i­ties took con­trol of the sit­u­a­tion and ended up arrest­ing her two accom­plices. The owner of the Smuggler’sInn, which stands less than 150 yards from the bor­der, says more than 50 peo­ple have been arrested there on drug charges in the past year.

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