Thursday 7/5

New Jer­sey sur­geons removed a rapidly grow­ing, 51-pound (23-kg) can­cer­ous tumour from a woman who had delayed treat­ment for more than a month until she became eli­gi­ble for health insur­ance!  Her Dr said, “She was a skinny lady with a huge belly. I mean it looked like she was lit­er­ally preg­nant with triplets,” She made it through surgery but will pos­si­bly need chemo.

The Beaver County, PA times reports that 23-year-old Holden Woo­ley, a jail inmate who was wear­ing his orange and white striped uni­form was taken to Her­itage Val­ley Beaver Hos­pi­tal after a reported seizure. Deputies say at one point dur­ing his four-hour hos­pi­tal visit, Woo­ley went out­side to hail a cab — but the dri­ver refused to pick him up. When hos­pi­tal secu­rity offi­cers tried to grab him, Woo­ley ran into the woods. Police say he was arrested a cou­ple hours later when offi­cers used a dog and a stun gun to sub­due him. He was treated for a dog bite at the hos­pi­tal and returned to jail.

Bur­glary and booze don’t mix, as one Russ­ian rob­ber recently dis­cov­ered. Author­i­ties say the alleged thief, an uniden­ti­fied man, was in the mid­dle of rob­bing a house near Moscow when he saw a bot­tle of vodka and couldn’t say “nyet.” Appar­ently, he’d had a few too many because he fell asleep on the bed and was still snooz­ing when the home­own­ers arrived. It was a rude awak­en­ing for the rob­ber, but he could have plenty of chances to catch up on his sleep, because author­i­ties say he could spend 10 years in jail.

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