Thursday 8/9

An Illinois man was arrested for walking the street naked and covered in Crisco.  Chad William Forber was said to be visibly intoxicated when he was stopped by cops in the town of Rock Island. He told the officers that he’d taken off his shorts, which he was carrying, because they were too big and wouldn’t stay on. He forgot to mention that they also contained several grams of meth, although when cops asked about the drug, Forber admitted it was his – and said he was just looking for a place to party. That kind of puts a spin on “there’s party in my pants!”  Except this invite landed him in jail for 5 years

A naked and drunk Canadian man had been arrested while cavorting on a street with a beer in one hand and a cheeseburger in the other in Charlottetown.  Jail officers suspected the man had also ingested drugs, so he was ordered to undress in a cell for observation. The man reportedly asked guards if they were familiar with the animated character Cyril Sneer, an evil pink aardvark. Apparently he bent over and began dancing like the character and during his performance out popped (can you guess from where, kids?) a plastic container holding four doses of the powerful painkiller Hydromorphone.  Troy Campbell pleaded guilty to drug possession and was fined $805.

A Kentucky man is facing a variety of charges after asking to use the restroom in a convenience store, then trying to leave the scene after setting the toilet seat on fire. What the heck did he eat???  When James Crittenden was confronted by an employee, he told the man that he’d set the blaze for religious reasons. Crittenden shouldn’t have had the chance to worship at the throne at this particular store anyway – he’d been banned just two weeks earlier after busting open several cans of whipped topping in order to huff the aerosol inside. When busted on that count, he claimed that he had a constitutional right to huff.  He now faces arson and disorderly conduct charges.

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