Thursday 9/20

66-year-old Steve Gustafson was trimming an oak tree at his home in a Florida retirement community when he heard what the Orlando Sentinel calls a “blood curdling yelp.” He turned and saw the gator snatch his dog from the shore of a nearby pond. Gustafson then kind of wigged out and just leaped on the gator—“just like you do some silly belly flop in a pool,” he recalls. “The only difference was I landed on top of a gator.” They wrestled, and Gustafson won. At one point, he tossed the gator deeper into the pond to enable him and little Bounce to make it to shore. Both are fine. The gator, however, was later trapped and is bound for Gustafson’s mantel.

Julia Garcia was shopping when she handed a $100 bill to a cashier only to have that employee rip up the Benjamin and berate Garcia for trying to pass funny money without actually checking the authenticity with legit equipment! Garcia took out a second bill, and the store manager immediately ripped it up and called cops who arrived with testing devices and informed them that they’d made “a terrible mistake” in shredding Garcia’s cold, hard cash. The manager attempted to send Garcia off with the pieces of her original bills, but an officer on the scene insisted he give her clean crisp replacements.  And because this is America Garcia is now suing for $75,000 in damages.  How does $200 equal $75,000???

Two German robbers, who are still at large, wore ski masks when they barged into a burger bar – moments after a manager had taken the day’s haul off for deposit. They were left scrounging, making off with a piggy bank that contained just a few pennies and two chocolate bars that brought the grand total of their not-so-grand-larceny to just over two bucks. In the understatement of the robbery season, a police spokesman said, “We don’t believe we’re looking for professionals.”

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