Thursday 9/20


66-year-old Steve Gustafson was trim­ming an oak tree at his home in a Florida retire­ment com­mu­nity when he heard what the Orlando Sen­tinel calls a “blood cur­dling yelp.” He turned and saw the gator snatch his dog from the shore of a nearby pond. Gustafson then kind of wigged out and just leaped on the gator—“just like you do some silly belly flop in a pool,” he recalls. “The only dif­fer­ence was I landed on top of a gator.” They wres­tled, and Gustafson won. At one point, he tossed the gator deeper into the pond to enable him and lit­tle Bounce to make it to shore. Both are fine. The gator, how­ever, was later trapped and is bound for Gustafson’s mantel.

Julia Gar­cia was shop­ping when she handed a $100 bill to a cashier only to have that employee rip up the Ben­jamin and berate Gar­cia for try­ing to pass funny money with­out actu­ally check­ing the authen­tic­ity with legit equip­ment! Gar­cia took out a sec­ond bill, and the store man­ager imme­di­ately ripped it up and called cops who arrived with test­ing devices and informed them that they’d made “a ter­ri­ble mis­take” in shred­ding Garcia’s cold, hard cash. The man­ager attempted to send Gar­cia off with the pieces of her orig­i­nal bills, but an offi­cer on the scene insisted he give her clean crisp replace­ments.  And because this is Amer­ica Gar­cia is now suing for $75,000 in dam­ages.  How does $200 equal $75,000???

Two Ger­man rob­bers, who are still at large, wore ski masks when they barged into a burger bar – moments after a man­ager had taken the day’s haul off for deposit. They were left scroung­ing, mak­ing off with a piggy bank that con­tained just a few pen­nies and two choco­late bars that brought the grand total of their not-so-grand-larceny to just over two bucks. In the under­state­ment of the rob­bery sea­son, a police spokesman said, “We don’t believe we’re look­ing for professionals.”

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