Tuesday 10/16

A British man will be stuck per­form­ing thou­sands of hours of com­mu­nity ser­vice after mak­ing thou­sands of phone calls to per­fect strangers, inform­ing them that he’d got­ten his man­hood stuck in some­place it didn’t belong. Gareth Lloyd placed nearly 6000 calls from a pay-as-you-go cell phone, claim­ing that lit­tle Gareth had become lodged in every­thing from a bot­tle, to a vac­uum cleaner. Lloyd’s lawyer said, “He thought that he was hav­ing a bit of a joke. It was a joke in poor taste, per­haps a lit­tle per­verted to say the least. He accepts that.”

Amanda Wilcox rounded a cor­ner at high speed and nearly clipped another car before cops flagged her down. She denied down­ing any booze – tech­ni­cally not a lie – but when her breath­a­lyzer test showed her to be nearly dou­ble the legal limit, she had to con­fess to sip­ping a half-bottle of hand san­i­tizer! Wilcox was charged with dri­ving while intox­i­cated, then released on a $500 bond.

A Vir­ginia teenager had her horse­back rid­ing les­son inter­rupted by fowl weather – when she was smacked in the skull by a large chunk of raw chicken that fell from the clear blue sky. Cassie Bernard was wear­ing a hel­met when she was beaned by the foot-long slab of poul­try, so she didn’t suf­fer any major injuries in the inci­dent.  While there is a chicken-processing plant in the vicin­ity, the oper­a­tors insist none of their bird parts were involved.An inves­ti­ga­tor said it was likely that the chicken chunk was dropped by a seag­ull with an over­flow­ing beak, but said the inves­ti­ga­tion would con­tinue, not­ing, “We can’t just have pieces of chicken falling out of the sky

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