Tuesday 2/7


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PUTTING A BITE INTO CRIME

A Penn­syl­va­nia woman ended up in jail for her attempt to put some­body else’s money where her mouth is –by rob­bing a bank to get cash for new dentures.

Eve­lyn Marie Fuller, who’s just about com­pletely tooth­less, was nabbed after a man who was in the bank at the time rec­og­nized her the next day and phoned cops. She’d fled the scene with an unspec­i­fied amount of cash after hand­ing a teller a note demand­ing the dough.

Fuller con­fessed to the crime when offi­cers appre­hended her, say­ing, “I’m very sorry for what I did and I know God is going to pun­ish me for it.”

 

TROUBLE FOR THE PET SHOP BOY

An Ari­zona man got tan­gled in his own crim­i­nal web when he was caught shoplift­ing from a pet store — by stuff­ing a pair of taran­tu­las down his pants.

Clerks at Rep­tiles and Reefs rec­og­nized Adam Hart­man imme­di­ately, since he’s a reg­u­lar cus­tomer who’d even filled out an appli­ca­tion to work at the exotic ani­mal shop. They handed a sur­veil­lance tape over to cops, who hauled him in on mis­de­meanor theft charges.

If only he’d thought of a bet­ter plan on the fly!

 

THE BREAST-LAID PLANS

A Florida woman made a real boob out of her­self by try­ing to dodge a field sobri­ety test using the excuse that she couldn’t bal­ance prop­erly … because her breasts were too big!

Mau­reen Ray­mond was weav­ing over the highway’s dou­ble yel­low lines at high speed, lead­ing a deputy to pull her over. The offi­cer said she smelled strongly of booze and was slur­ring her words: When he asked her if she was suf­fer­ing from any injuries, she replied that she had “whiplash and big boobies.”

The deputy stepped in when she started tak­ing off her clothes to prove the valid­ity of the sec­ond claim.

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