Tuesday 3/27

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Quit yer squakin’ - Michael Crane will never be called a stool pigeon. The Ari­zona man, who’s on trial for mur­der, refused to say a word when called to tes­tify in the case, choos­ing instead to squak! Crane was attend­ing a hear­ing to deter­mine his men­tal capac­ity when he was called to the stand the first time. At that point, he demanded that his name be writ­ten in all cap­i­tal let­ters, and insisted that he be referred to as a cor­po­ra­tion. When he returned from a recess called to pon­der these demands, Crane clammed up entirely and, when pressed, began his seagull-like squawk­ing. He was forcibly removed from the court­room, but told to return next month.

Holy Donatello!- A Cal­i­for­nia man mak­ing a deliv­ery for a med­ical mar­i­juana ser­vice went to cops to report that he was unable to com­plete his order because he’d been robbed by nin­jas! The courier, a man in his 40s, says he was star­tled by a group of men dressed in black and wield­ing batons, so he dropped his cash and a bag of high qual­ity “med­i­cine.”  Police were not aware of any other recent crimes involv­ing sus­pects dressed as ninjas.

I seem to have lost my foot - An unem­ployed Aus­trian man sawed his foot off, appar­ently to avoid being found fit to go back to work.  Hours before an appoint­ment for the labor office to check on his health, the 56-year-old man held his left leg against an elec­tric saw in his home work­shop and sev­ered his foot just above the ankle.  Bleed­ing pro­fusely, the man from threw the foot into an oven, hob­bled to his garage and called an ambu­lance. An emer­gency oper­a­tion was unable to reat­tach the foot. Imag­ine his wife’s sur­prise when she opened the oven to cook dinner!

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