Tuesday 3/27

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Quit yer squakin’ – Michael Crane will never be called a stool pigeon. The Arizona man, who’s on trial for murder, refused to say a word when called to testify in the case, choosing instead to squak! Crane was attending a hearing to determine his mental capacity when he was called to the stand the first time. At that point, he demanded that his name be written in all capital letters, and insisted that he be referred to as a corporation. When he returned from a recess called to ponder these demands, Crane clammed up entirely and, when pressed, began his seagull-like squawking. He was forcibly removed from the courtroom, but told to return next month.

Holy Donatello!- A California man making a delivery for a medical marijuana service went to cops to report that he was unable to complete his order because he’d been robbed by ninjas! The courier, a man in his 40s, says he was startled by a group of men dressed in black and wielding batons, so he dropped his cash and a bag of high quality “medicine.”  Police were not aware of any other recent crimes involving suspects dressed as ninjas.

I seem to have lost my foot – An unemployed Austrian man sawed his foot off, apparently to avoid being found fit to go back to work.  Hours before an appointment for the labor office to check on his health, the 56-year-old man held his left leg against an electric saw in his home workshop and severed his foot just above the ankle.  Bleeding profusely, the man from threw the foot into an oven, hobbled to his garage and called an ambulance. An emergency operation was unable to reattach the foot. Imagine his wife’s surprise when she opened the oven to cook dinner!

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