Tuesday 5/1


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Take this sock and shove it - Robert Mark Van Wag­ner was busted after hang­ing out at a park and offer­ing the young ladies pairs of socks & then ask­ing them to run around the sports field and return the sweaty footwear to him. Accord­ing to the arrest report, Van Wag­ner told police he was act­ing on a fetish and that he had been doing it for years in var­i­ous loca­tions with­out get­ting into trouble.

Duh — duh — diar­rhea — A Florida man who fled the scene of an alcohol-related acci­dent had a sim­ple expla­na­tion for his actions — he didn’t want to have an acci­dent.  Bernard Cato crashed his car into another vehi­cle and a news­pa­per box, then bolted for a Wal-Mart where he was picked up by police. He ‘fessed up to the whole thing, but said, “I had the runs … I had to go.” The book­ing offi­cer wrote that Cato had a “strong odor of alco­hol ema­nat­ing from his breath and cloth­ing” and that his eyes were “blood­shot and watery.”

Indi­ana man Aaron Zachary Latham started his ram­page by climb­ing a light pole in his birth­day suit, then jump­ing out in front of a truck dri­ven by a local high school stu­dent and beat­ing his head on the front bumper. When the young man left the cab to check on him, Latham leapt in and drove off, crash­ing it into the front of a house at 50 miles per hour. Cops are still baf­fled as to what prompted Latham to flip out, since they say he wasn’t keen on answer­ing ques­tions. I’m gonna go out on a limb here….drugs?

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