Tuesday 5/1

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Take this sock and shove it – Robert Mark Van Wagner was busted after hanging out at a park and offering the young ladies pairs of socks & then asking them to run around the sports field and return the sweaty footwear to him. According to the arrest report, Van Wagner told police he was acting on a fetish and that he had been doing it for years in various locations without getting into trouble.

Duh – duh – diarrhea – A Florida man who fled the scene of an alcohol-related accident had a simple explanation for his actions — he didn’t want to have an accident.  Bernard Cato crashed his car into another vehicle and a newspaper box, then bolted for a Wal-Mart where he was picked up by police. He ‘fessed up to the whole thing, but said, “I had the runs … I had to go.” The booking officer wrote that Cato had a “strong odor of alcohol emanating from his breath and clothing” and that his eyes were “bloodshot and watery.”

Indiana man Aaron Zachary Latham started his rampage by climbing a light pole in his birthday suit, then jumping out in front of a truck driven by a local high school student and beating his head on the front bumper. When the young man left the cab to check on him, Latham leapt in and drove off, crashing it into the front of a house at 50 miles per hour. Cops are still baffled as to what prompted Latham to flip out, since they say he wasn’t keen on answering questions. I’m gonna go out on a limb here….drugs?

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