Wedesday 8/29

Clay­ton Joseph Schwey repeat­edly demanded free­bies from a Florida Dunkin’ Donuts shop, claim­ing that he was enti­tled to the goods as a con­di­tion of his gig with the DEA. When asked for some iden­ti­fi­ca­tion to back up his claim, he insisted he wasn’t allowed to carry any thanks to the sen­si­tive nature of his work — inves­ti­gat­ing crooked cops in the area. The men­tal munchkin was quickly arrested and is being held with­out bail.

While they say duct tape can do just about any­thing, there’s one thing it’s not all that great for — as a Wash­ing­ton state bank rob­ber found out by don­ning a dis­guise that con­sisted of one strip of the stuff across his nose. The crook held up three banks while car­ry­ing a hand­gun and wear­ing a wide strip of duct tape across the bridge of his nose. He assaulted a cus­tomer and an employee at one of the banks, and was cap­tured on video­tape at all of them.

A Texas woman learned that her aim really stinks after try­ing to shoot a skunk in her yard.  The woman was ticked off at the skunk for eat­ing food out of the bowls she and her hubby leave out for their pet cats. So she grabbed a hand­gun out of her purse and fired off a round which ric­o­cheted off the porch, through the screen door and into the lower abdomen of her hus­band!  He wasn’t badly hurt, and both hus­band and wife report­edly coop­er­ated with cops in the inves­ti­ga­tion — as did the skunk. A police source says, “He actu­ally came back while our inves­ti­ga­tors were at the scene and tried to feed again off the cat bowls. We chased it off.”

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