Wednedsay 10/17

An Iowa jeweler has given new meaning to the term “targeted promotion” – by offering to give a free rifle to anyone who buys an engagement ring by the end of this month. In order to get the shotgun wedding starter kit, a customer must first load up with a diamond ring with a price tag of $1999 or higher and then they can walk off with something for the trigger finger as well as the ring finger.  Store owner Harold van Beek says he has the perfect slogan for his promo: “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend, so say, ‘I’m hunting deer, and here is a diamond ring, dear.'”

Florida Palm Bay police said Christine Brown called 911 six times to thank Sheriff Jack Parker for the bologna sandwich she had during her recent stay at the Brevard County Jail. Each time she called, dispatchers asked Brown if she had an emergency. She allegedly only talked about the sandwich. In fact, she was on the line with a dispatcher talking about the meal when an officer arrived at her home. Brown was charged with six felony counts of misuse of 911 and taken to jail in lieu of $3,000 bond. Well, at least she likes the food.

A North Carolina woman couldn’t get a cold drink out of a vending machine outside her local supermarket, so she decided to heat things up – by stuffing a newspaper inside and setting it on fire. Debra Johnson started by kicking the malfunctioning machine, and when that didn’t produce she grabbed the newspaper and a lighter. A surveillance camera shows her snagging a drink from a second machine, then walking away as the blaze kicks in, ultimately melting the front of the machine and the change inside. Johnson was hauled into court a short time later and told the judge, “I’ll represent myself, ’cause I’m guilty. I don’t need a lawyer to lie for me, cause I’mma tell you I done it.”

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