Wednedsay 10/17

An Iowa jew­eler has given new mean­ing to the term “tar­geted pro­mo­tion” – by offer­ing to give a free rifle to any­one who buys an engage­ment ring by the end of this month. In order to get the shot­gun wed­ding starter kit, a cus­tomer must first load up with a dia­mond ring with a price tag of $1999 or higher and then they can walk off with some­thing for the trig­ger fin­ger as well as the ring fin­ger.  Store owner Harold van Beek says he has the per­fect slo­gan for his promo: “Dia­monds are a girl’s best friend, so say, ‘I’m hunt­ing deer, and here is a dia­mond ring, dear.’”

Florida Palm Bay police said Chris­tine Brown called 911 six times to thank Sher­iff Jack Parker for the bologna sand­wich she had dur­ing her recent stay at the Bre­vard County Jail. Each time she called, dis­patch­ers asked Brown if she had an emer­gency. She allegedly only talked about the sand­wich. In fact, she was on the line with a dis­patcher talk­ing about the meal when an offi­cer arrived at her home. Brown was charged with six felony counts of mis­use of 911 and taken to jail in lieu of $3,000 bond. Well, at least she likes the food.

A North Car­olina woman couldn’t get a cold drink out of a vend­ing machine out­side her local super­mar­ket, so she decided to heat things up – by stuff­ing a news­pa­per inside and set­ting it on fire. Debra John­son started by kick­ing the mal­func­tion­ing machine, and when that didn’t pro­duce she grabbed the news­pa­per and a lighter. A sur­veil­lance cam­era shows her snag­ging a drink from a sec­ond machine, then walk­ing away as the blaze kicks in, ulti­mately melt­ing the front of the machine and the change inside. John­son was hauled into court a short time later and told the judge, “I’ll rep­re­sent myself, ’cause I’m guilty. I don’t need a lawyer to lie for me, cause I’mma tell you I done it.”

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