Wednesday 1/9

Tom Finlay, a 48-year-old stone mason, experienced a miracle with a pair of 66-pound boobs! He was standing in a sculpture garden next to his five-foot, hand-carved statue of the Venus de Milo when “there was a clap of thunder and the sculpture blew up like a rocket-launcher had hit it … The lightning looked like a serpent. Everything disintegrated but the breasts,” Finlay reported.He wasn’t sure if the incident was a “sign” from above, but he was amazed. When asked what he would do with the miracle boobs he said: “I might mount [them] and hang them in my office.”

A Cleveland-area man called cops because he wanted to return some merchandise that he regretted purchasing. The man called 911 after smoking a little more than half the bag of his $300 drug purchase then experienced a major bout of buyer’s remorse. Officers were dispatched to the man’s home, where they collected the drugs and had a chat with him, determining he needed to be taken to a psychiatric hospital.

A Washington state woman, whose name was not released, was hanging out at a convenience store when cops responded to a call she’d made to them asking to take her to jail. When the officer told her he needed a reason to haul her in, she asked, “What if I assault you?” and then popped him in the nose with a plastic soda bottle! She then turned and offered her hands for cuffing, which the officer agreed to, taking her in on charges of felony assault on a police officer.

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