Wednesday 1/9

Tom Fin­lay, a 48-year-old stone mason, expe­ri­enced a mir­a­cle with a pair of 66-pound boobs! He was stand­ing in a sculp­ture gar­den next to his five-foot, hand-carved statue of the Venus de Milo when “there was a clap of thun­der and the sculp­ture blew up like a rocket-launcher had hit it … The light­ning looked like a ser­pent. Every­thing dis­in­te­grated but the breasts,” Fin­lay reported.He wasn’t sure if the inci­dent was a “sign” from above, but he was amazed. When asked what he would do with the mir­a­cle boobs he said: “I might mount [them] and hang them in my office.”

A Cleveland-area man called cops because he wanted to return some mer­chan­dise that he regret­ted pur­chas­ing. The man called 911 after smok­ing a lit­tle more than half the bag of his $300 drug pur­chase then expe­ri­enced a major bout of buyer’s remorse. Offi­cers were dis­patched to the man’s home, where they col­lected the drugs and had a chat with him, deter­min­ing he needed to be taken to a psy­chi­atric hospital.

A Wash­ing­ton state woman, whose name was not released, was hang­ing out at a con­ve­nience store when cops responded to a call she’d made to them ask­ing to take her to jail. When the offi­cer told her he needed a rea­son to haul her in, she asked, “What if I assault you?” and then popped him in the nose with a plas­tic soda bot­tle! She then turned and offered her hands for cuff­ing, which the offi­cer agreed to, tak­ing her in on charges of felony assault on a police officer.

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